Experts spoke about the changing culture of first dates
The approach to first dates is changing in Russia: the choice of meeting format is increasingly influenced by rising prices, the development of the digital environment and changing ideas about personal boundaries. Previously, dating was perceived primarily as a romantic ritual and an opportunity to get to know a person, but today it is becoming a stage of risk assessment and compatibility. About how the culture of dating is changing, in the material of Izvestia.
Changing the meeting format: saving money instead of showing status
The rising cost of living directly affects the scenarios of first dates. Ahmed Yusupov, an economist and partner at the Goldman and Poe communications agency, notes that the restaurant bill, which was often perceived as a natural part of a romantic gesture, is now becoming the subject of preliminary calculations.
According to him, financial instability makes people more cautious about spending and choose less expensive meeting options — walks, coffee, visits to parks or cultural events. This approach helps to reduce risks.: A first date remains an opportunity to get to know each other, but it does not require significant expenses if there is no further communication.
"A first date is an investment with unpredictable returns.: it may be a continuation of the relationship, or it may be a one—time meeting with no future. In an environment where every ruble counts, people choose low-cost formats to minimize losses," Yusupov explained.
According to the expert, avoiding expensive dinners is gradually becoming the new norm. Today, it is not the external signs of status that are becoming more important, but sincerity, the coincidence of values and comfort in communication. A person who offers a simpler meeting format is increasingly perceived not as greedy, but as a rational and financially literate partner.
Psychological barriers: why people expect a trick
At the same time, the change in approach to dating is not only related to economics. Practical psychologist Tatiana Goldman believes that fears around "skeet girls" and overly stingy partners reflect a broader shift in the perception of relationships. According to her, modern people increasingly perceive dating through the prism of possible risks: they are afraid of encountering insincerity, consumerism or one-sided expectations.
Social media plays an important role in the formation of such fears. Algorithms are more likely to distribute emotionally charged content — stories about failed dates, conflicts over money, and negative experiences. As a result, individual cases are beginning to be perceived as a mass phenomenon.
"The more often a person comes across certain information, the more common he begins to consider this phenomenon. As a result, the digital environment influences what people perceive as the norm in a relationship," Goldman notes.
However, according to the psychologist, it's wrong to draw conclusions about a person based on just one financial gesture on a first date. The same behavior can be explained by different reasons: family upbringing, cultural attitudes, or the current life situation.
It is much more important to pay attention to how a person conducts a dialogue, whether he knows how to take into account the interests of another, whether he is able to calmly discuss controversial issues and whether he shows respect for his partner.
Paying the bill as a symbol of courtship
Cultural critic, poet and composer Peter Sukhodolsky believes that the issue of paying the bill remains not only financial, but also symbolic. According to him, for many people, paying for dinner by a man is part of the traditional courtship scenario — a way to show interest, willingness to invest and take care.
"Paying the bill here is not just a payment operation, but a whole symbolic act confirming the seriousness of intentions," Sukhodolsky said.
At the same time, the expert stressed that such a gesture should not be perceived as a binding deal or a guarantee of continued relations. In modern society, traditional patterns of behavior are gradually changing, and norms are becoming more individual.
Sukhodolsky also noted that a clear scenario of behavior on the first date used to help reduce social tension: the man took the initiative, the woman assessed the seriousness of intentions. Today, these rules are becoming less unambiguous, which leads to numerous disputes.
From a traditional ritual to a pragmatic choice
The dating culture in Russia has changed significantly in recent decades. In the 1970s and 1980s, dating was more often perceived as a stage on the way to starting a family: there was a relatively understandable scenario for dating, courtship, and relationship development.
Since the 1990s, according to Sukhodolsky, the logic of consumption has gradually penetrated into the sphere of personal relationships. Dating has become more diverse in terms of goals: people are looking not only for a serious relationship, but also for communication, new experiences or emotional support.
The Internet and dating apps have given an additional impetus to the changes. They expanded the range of potential partners, but at the same time created a sense of almost endless choice. As a result, many people start looking not for reasons to continue communicating, but for reasons to refuse.
"Skeet girls" and "greedy men": a conflict of new expectations
The debate over who should pay the bill reflects deeper changes in perceptions of reciprocity and responsibility in relationships. According to Sukhodolsky, these concepts show the transition from the romantic model to a more transactional perception of dating, where participants evaluate how justified their investments are — financial, emotional or temporary.
"Such conversations and accusations deprive a date of any sacred or romantic meaning, reducing it to the level of a commercial transaction where one of the participants feels like a deceived consumer," the expert believes.
At the same time, the psychologist notes that financial expectations are really important for future relationships, but they should be discussed not through mutual checks and suspicions, but through an open dialogue.
As a result, modern dating becomes a combination of old traditions and new realities. People are still looking for intimacy and reciprocity, but they are increasingly approaching dating rationally, taking into account personal boundaries, financial opportunities and their own ideas about comfortable relationships.
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