Hiding in the sink: why it's hard to meet people with headphones on
A joking expression began to play with new colors: "Before, they took off their hats when they met, now they take out an earpiece, and as a sign of special respect, both of them." Men complain about dating difficulties if a girl has a headset in her ears. Perhaps this is just an excuse, but, according to representatives of the stronger sex, headphones make it difficult to establish contact. When a girl "shuts herself off" from the outside world with acoustic earbuds, a proven algorithm based on the rule "women love with their ears" collapses. How to establish communication in this case is described in the Izvestia article.
Why it has become more difficult to get acquainted
From the point of view of the stronger sex, headphones become a real obstacle that complicates communication: it is much more difficult to start a casual conversation with a girl. As a result, the chances of a romantic encounter with a sequel decrease. Psychologist Yuri Kudryavtsev, analyzing the situation, first of all draws attention to the general trend towards an abundance of information in recent years.
— A person is literally oversaturated with information flows, therefore, intuitively or consciously seeks solitude and peace in order to immerse himself in himself, to distance himself from external noise, — says the specialist. — Actually, that's why we see people wearing headphones so often — it's a way of solitude and self-absorption, meditation, if you like.
He considers the headset to be a demonstration of the message: "I'm busy, stay away!". Few people these days would risk approaching a person with headphones on — this can be regarded as a brazen invasion of personal space. This is a problem for both men and women — everyone's chances of getting to know each other are decreasing.
Candidate of Psychological Sciences Alina Koroleva emphasizes that getting to know each other in real life has really become more difficult. And scientific and technological progress has added difficulties. In particular, people "go" to special sites where a security filter actually works — you can not exchange phones, but only correspond, and if necessary, quickly close yourself off from an unpleasant person by blocking him.
— But in reality, you can't block a person. Meanwhile, a casual acquaintance may turn out to be too intrusive, or even inadequate. Therefore, headphones can really be called a way to retire into a crowd, create a private space for yourself and send a signal that you are not in the mood for dating and communication," explains the editorial interlocutor.
And if a person with headphones wants to be alone with himself or is resting, then an attempt to start a conversation can be perceived as an invasion of personal space and boorish behavior.
— Therefore, you should not break into a closed door if a person strongly emphasizes that he does not want to communicate. It is better to look for those who are ready to get to know each other — they look openly, respond to glances," the expert recommends.
She advises men to approach girls where they feel safe — in sports clubs, car maintenance services, acting studios, choirs, etc. In short, where they can find like-minded people, where they are waiting for an interesting companion to match themselves and are open to communication.
Can you trust compliments?
Psychologists emphasize the great importance of verbal communication, since in general communication begins with words, not gestures. No wonder they say that women love with their ears. They like it when men can tell interesting stories and have a pleasant timbre of voice. When compliments are given, a woman produces endorphins and serotonin, explains Alina Koroleva. Under the influence of hormones of joy, her control decreases, and the interlocutor even seems much more attractive than he really is. Therefore, you should be more attentive to the flow of beautiful speeches and maintain critical thinking so as not to be fooled.
— A pleasant male voice and beautiful words reduce the level of the stress hormone cortisol and activate the work of the "hormones of joy" — oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine. This hormonal cocktail creates a relaxing and pleasant state. And then critical thinking turns off — a woman is a priori accustomed to seeing the good in others and trusting them until trust is undermined," the expert explains.
In a sense, modern devices do somewhat reduce the chances of men immediately going into action, without waiting for the girl to pull the headset out of her ears and wonder if she needs to answer a stranger.
— Of course, any woman is pleased to hear compliments and beautiful words about future relationships. But nuances are important here — whether the phrases sound sincere or the man says compliments for a specific purpose, says the candidate of psychological sciences.
In her opinion, compliments should be treated carefully — after all, a man is more manifested not in words, but in deeds. At the initial stages of dating, she strongly recommends that you be critical of everything you say, clarify what the man means, and check to see if his words are consistent with his actions.
"But the brain is a complex structure, and the processing of information heard is also multifactorial," the editorial interlocutor continues. — Pleasant intonations and words are analyzed, response emotions are evaluated using the built-in "truth detector" — information is processed through the prism of past experience. So, a woman who has experience of communicating with a windbag or a mother's son will unmistakably recognize such people by intonation.
Hearing helps a person understand quite quickly how pleasant the interlocutor is to him, adds Koroleva. The sounds of a voice can instantly evoke both sympathy and rejection. That is, either to immediately attract attention, or to push away, depriving acquaintance of prospects.
It's bad for dating and for your health
A man wearing headphones involuntarily gives a signal to others: "I'm not ready for contact right now," confirms Nikita Dikopoltsev, an audiologist and founder of auditory prosthetics centers. Therefore, people turn to him less often with questions and start a conversation, and there are fewer casual social interactions.
— When a person hears speech, the auditory cortex of the brain is activated first, where sound processing takes place. Then the speech centers are connected, which are responsible for understanding meaning, as well as the structures of the limbic system associated with emotions and the formation of memories. If words evoke pleasant emotions, such as a compliment or a declaration of love, then the brain perceives this as a positive emotional event. At this point, the systems associated with pleasure and the formation of emotional attachment are activated," explains the specialist.
That is why kind words can be perceived as emotionally meaningful encouragement, the audiologist emphasizes. The connection between auditory perception, the reward system and emotions is universal for any person: both women and men.
— The connection between hearing and hormones is direct and two-way. Oxytocin, known as the "attachment hormone," and dopamine, the "pleasure hormone," are actively released during positive social interactions, including the exchange of compliments. They create a sense of intimacy and reward, reinforcing attachment. On the other hand, various hormones, including estrogen, progesterone, prolactin, oxytocin, and dopamine, have an effect on the auditory system. For example, estrogen and oxytocin can have a protective effect on hearing, and an imbalance of other hormones can lead to hearing disorders, warns the source.
The phenomenon when a person ceases to critically evaluate the words and actions of an object of sympathy (who "puts noodles on his ears") also has a neurobiological basis, emphasizes Dikopoltsev.
— There are studies proving that in the state of falling in love, activity in the brain areas responsible for critical thinking and social assessment is suppressed. This effect works as an "attraction-repulsion mechanism": The reward system is actively working, creating a sense of euphoria, and the networks responsible for negative judgments and criticism are temporarily disabled. This pattern is observed in both romantic and maternal love, says the audiologist.
The desire to isolate oneself from the world with acoustic earbuds is more of a behavioral problem, but the expert also draws attention to the medical aspect: prolonged use of headphones at high volume can lead to hearing loss, which in turn also complicates social adaptation and negatively affects the quality of life.
He suggests that the total time of using an audio headset should not exceed 3-4 hours per day. It is especially important not to sleep with headphones on and not use them in the background from morning to evening, because it is these habits that create a long-term strain on the hearing aid.
— Headphones are a great tool when you want to be alone with yourself. But if it is important to make new acquaintances and communicate with loved ones, it is better to take off your headphones periodically. The most interesting conversation is a conversation with a real person opposite," the specialist emphasizes.
How to deal with the fear of communication
However, an attempt to isolate oneself from dating by using headphones as a means of protection from the outside world is a path to nowhere, experts say. To overcome shyness and stop "holding the line," psychologists advise working on a sense of security and self-confidence. This also applies to those who are afraid to approach a person wearing headphones.
— You are worthy of communication, like all ordinary people. And allow for the fact that dating doesn't have to end in disaster," suggests Yuri Kudryavtsev. — You can also replay in your head a future date or acquaintance with the details — what to say, how to behave, etc. After such a virtual workout, live communication will be easier.
But if you avoid communication, then internal tension and dissatisfaction will only increase and will definitely not lead to the creation of a relationship, says Alina Koroleva. And if a person suffers from loneliness, then you should not constantly wear headphones and a hood, hiding behind such a disguise the fear of acquaintance.
— It's worth facing the fears. We must admit that any acquaintance can lead to continuation or rejection, and think over a favorable plan of your behavior that will help communication. Pre—thought-out dating scenarios and prepared first phrases help well," notes the candidate of Psychological Sciences.
This approach, according to the expert, helps to cope with their fears. But you should not compulsively "break through the defenses" of a girl if she is clearly not disposed to communicate — this is violence, which should not be used to start a relationship, the editorial interlocutor believes. You need to try to lure her out of her isolation and communicate gently and tactfully.
— It can be a playful gaze. If the girl sees him and meets his gaze, then continue the attempt and offer to communicate, for example, with gestures. Or offer to accompany them, invite them for a cup of coffee, etc.," advises Koroleva.
If such techniques do not work, then it is better to abandon the idea of dating. In the case when a person does make contact, but gets off with general phrases, it becomes clear that he is not ready to communicate. This is especially true for men, as they are generally more introverted and specific, so they may perceive such attempts as wasting time and empty chatter.
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