A psychologist has revealed the hidden risks of a relationship with an age difference

The age difference in a relationship is less often perceived as a problem in itself, but such unions often face different life rates, expectations, and psychological roles within the couple. Larisa Karavaitseva, chief psychologist of Twinby dating service, told Izvestia on May 17 why some relationships become stable and others turn into dependence.

The impact of age on relationships

According to the expert, the key role in relationships today is played by the quality of contact and a sense of security, rather than the numbers in the documents. Society is moving away from strict standards where a man must be older than a woman by a strictly defined number of years. Psychological compatibility and the coincidence of values come to the fore.

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In such couples, different stages of life and development tasks collide. While one partner may be focused on a career and a search for identity, the other strives to stabilize and preserve what has been achieved. Different life focus and pace of movement can become both a resource and a source of tension.

Pitfalls and advantages of the union

Couples with an age difference are often based on the principle of complementarity. The younger member of the union receives structure and experience from the partner, while the older one receives energy and a new interest in life. However, the expert warns that from the point of view of transactional analysis, partners can imperceptibly leave in the role of "parent —child" instead of "adult — adult".

Criteria for the sustainability of relationships

For a long-term alliance, it is important that the development vectors of the partners do not contradict each other. If one person wants to build a house and the other wants to travel, the conflict will arise not because of age, but because of the difference in goals. It is also important to understand the motivation behind the choice, whether the partner is older or younger as a result of sincere interest or an attempt to close the need for stability.

The psychologist emphasized that disappointment in such relationships is often caused not by human behavior, but by high expectations. It is important for partners to see the real person, and not their own ideas about how a person should behave in certain years.

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Risk factors in a relationship

The expert emphasizes that in such couples there is no division into suitable types of people, but there are conditions under which unions work well. A relationship is successful if both partners have internal support, the difference in life stages is perceived as complementary, equality in decisions and willingness to negotiate the future are preserved.

At the same time, the risks are higher if one of the partners is looking for support in the other, which he cannot give himself. Problems arise when the relationship is built around the roles of mentor, student, or rescuer, as well as when the partner is expected to match his age rather than his real personality. In these cases, the age difference becomes a way to circumvent their own development goals, which eventually leads to a crisis.