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- The eyes are afraid: what is cracking and why do people choose partners worse than themselves?
The eyes are afraid: what is cracking and why do people choose partners worse than themselves?
Young people are increasingly choosing partners who differ from the generally accepted standards of beauty and success. This trend has been actively spreading on social media, receiving an unusual name — cracking. It reflects the new social realities in which stability and comfort in relationships become much more important than the attractiveness and prestige of the other half. However, experts warn that a pragmatic choice can hide deep inner fears and lead to serious psychological difficulties. Izvestia tells us why cracking is becoming popular and whether such a relationship can be happy.
Why choose Shrek
Cracking is a new trend in the dating world, which is actively gaining popularity, especially among the younger generation. The term comes from the name of the main character of the popular cartoon "Shrek" — the green ogre, who, despite his frightening appearance, turns out to be a kind, caring and reliable companion for the princess.
It is these qualities that formed the basis of the metaphor: cracking is a conscious choice of a partner who does not meet the generally accepted standards of beauty and success, but with whom a person expects greater stability, dedication and increased care in a relationship. Young people perceive cracking as a practical way to build relationships on a solid emotional foundation, and real partners are expected to be kind and sincere, like a cartoon character.
VTsIOM's research shows that public perceptions of the valuable qualities of men and women have evolved markedly over the past 15 years. In 2025, Russian men are most often expected to be decent and wise. Independence, loyalty, caring and sincerity are also becoming increasingly important.
For women, the list is even broader: economy and loyalty are added to decency and intelligence, and the importance of independence, independence and the ability to overcome life difficulties has also increased. At the same time, external attractiveness has ceased to occupy a leading position and has become less significant, especially in assessing women.
Matchmaker Anna Osipova notes that recently there have been more and more men on the marriage market who are ready to consider their peers, which has not been the case in recent years.
— Men, after marrying young women who are 10-15 years younger than them, are increasingly reviewing the age criterion for choosing a partner. After a bad experience, many are ready to build relationships with their peers. However, both sides remain categorical on the issue of appearance: for Russians, attractiveness is still one of the main criteria when choosing a significant other," the matchmaker believes.
How did cracking come about?
According to experts, cracking is a natural reaction to the high level of competition in many areas of life, including the marriage market and dating applications.
— Users compare themselves and others with dozens of questionnaires, experience the fear of rejection and the feeling that the "best" partners will always go to someone else or are located somewhere further in the feed. In this race, choosing a less bright or less confident person seems safer. He seems to give a sense of stability: such a partner will not leave, he will be more attentive and grateful," said Larisa Karavaytseva, chief psychologist of the Twinby dating service.
In this system, cracking becomes a kind of workaround: it is the choice of an "unobvious" partner who is not in high demand, but promises peace of mind.
— Often such a decision is connected with the desire for guaranteed emotional attachment: a person believes that such a partner will be more loyal, attentive and will not leave at the first conflict. Anxiety and self—doubt also play a role — it's easier to build relationships with someone who seems "easily accessible" than to take risks with an equal or more successful partner," Lerona Narinskaya, a quantum psychologist and rector of the Academy of Quantum Psychology, told Izvestia.
The roots of cracking also go back to deep personal traumas and fears. Those who consciously choose this strategy often try to protect themselves after disappointments and failed relationships in the past, when they felt vulnerable and rejected.
— Psychologically, this is a kind of strategy to reduce the risk of emotional pain. This approach is mostly found among people aged 20-35, although in Russia there is an increase in interest among the older group under 40. Culturally, this is also due to the growing independence of women and a shift in emphasis from external standards to emotional and domestic safety," the expert explained.
Public pressure also plays a role. In an era when success and social recognition are often measured by compliance with standards and external attributes, having a "problematic" or "unprofitable" partner does not jeopardize a person's reputation in the eyes of others.
— Most often, this is due to the experience of a failed relationship, low self-esteem, or fatigue from constant competition. For some, it is important to be "winning" in a couple — to be or at least to appear more successful, intelligent, desirable. Such relationships create a sense of control: "If I'm better, then I won't be abandoned." But in practice, this does not guarantee happiness," said psychologist and Gestalt therapist Evgeny Cherepanov.
As a result, "shreks" is most often chosen by those who are afraid of being vulnerable and rejected on equal terms. Such people prefer the comfort of imaginary control and security instead of the difficult and risky work of building a harmonious connection.
The pros and cons of a love calculation
At first glance, cracking may seem like a fairly pragmatic solution. A partner who is chosen "not by standards" often turns out to be more attentive and devoted, because he feels great gratitude for the relationship and strives to preserve it.
— Cracking can have a positive effect on self-esteem and sex life. A woman in a relationship with Shrek often feels valuable, beautiful, alive, relaxed," explained Anastasia Tochilina, president of the Association of Consulting Psychologists, Gestalt therapist, psychologist.
This approach avoids emotional competition and the pressure of external standards, and gives you a sense of importance and stability. However, the visible advantages hide serious risks for both parties to the relationship.
— In the end, the social difference may become a problem. Income level, habits, lifestyle — all this can destroy the union if the partner is not ready to pull up," the expert added.
According to Natalia Konstantinova, a psychologist at the I Understand corporate well-being platform, if choosing a partner is based not on real compatibility, but on a strategy of "being better against its background," then over time boredom, irritation, and a drop in sexual desire may appear. In addition, relationships based on fear of abandonment or a desire to control often turn out to be unstable: one partner feels dependent, the other feels a lack of respect.
Cracking: a path to happiness or a trap?
Cracking seems like an attractive way to build relationships.: This is primarily a rejection of unrealistic expectations. For some, this can really become a temporary source of emotional comfort and confidence — the chosen partner makes fewer claims and values the relationship more than the "ideal" from the gloss.
— If both partners understand and accept the dynamics of the relationship, cracking can become a stable and comfortable format. However, if one of the participants experiences constant dissatisfaction or disappointment, the relationship risks becoming a source of psychological stress," said quantum psychologist Lerona Narinskaya.
According to experts, relationships based on fears, control, and lowering one's own expectations are rarely deep and fulfilling. Instead of sincere intimacy and emotional support, distrust and a feeling of emptiness appear.
— If society puts up with the fact that young people perceive family as a game of "advantageous choices," then over time the trend may turn into a demographic crisis. On the other hand, cracking promotes relationships with more "down-to-earth" people, rather than with pictures. In this situation, it is important to make it clear to young people that healthy relationships are built on respect, care and responsibility, not on play," said Dmitry Shatunov, a youth leader and member of the Digoria Expert club.
Nevertheless, cracking is not always toxic. If people come together not only because of fears, but also because they are calm, comfortable and interesting together, such unions can be strong and happy. The main thing is to be aware of your motives.: do I choose a person because I like them or because I feel safe with them. Then you won't have to go through rejection, explained psychologist Natalia Konstantinova.
Larisa Karavaytseva, chief psychologist of Twinby dating service, urges you to follow three rules in order to have a harmonious relationship in the format of cracking:
— discuss expectations openly, rather than hiding them;
— abandon the role of a "rescuer" or "debtor";
— start to see the value in each other without comparing "better — worse".
Healthy relationships are possible only where partners choose each other voluntarily — without hidden strategies and calculations, the expert emphasized.
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