A psychologist explained the benefits of planning intimacy in a long-term relationship

Work, children, household tasks and constant stress often leave couples less and less time for intimacy. In such circumstances, waiting for the "right moment" can lead to the fact that it will not be for months. Dmitry Yagudin, founder and head of the International Neuro University, Doctor of Psychology, told "Izvestia" on September 29 about why planning an intimate life can help a relationship rather than destroy romance.

"Spontaneity in long-term relationships in practice often means that intimacy will happen when desire, time and energy appear at the same time. For people who work, raise children and live in a state of chronic fatigue, such a moment may not come for a very long time, so you have to choose not between planning and romance, but between planning and lack of intimacy," Yagudin explained.

According to the expert, at the beginning of a relationship, the feeling of spontaneity is supported by novelty: the partners have not yet fully explored each other, so interest arises naturally. However, over time, intimacy begins to be affected by busyness, fatigue, and household stress.

In addition, sexual arousal is associated with a state of security and relaxation. With chronic stress, the body remains in task-solving mode, which can reduce desire even while maintaining feelings between partners.

Therefore, it is worth planning not sex itself as a mandatory event, but the conditions for it. It can be a time without phones, work conversations, and household chores when partners can focus on each other.

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When showing signs of attention, it is important not to cross the boundaries of what is allowed.

A pre-selected evening can also increase the anticipation. According to Yagudin, anticipation becomes part of intimacy: partners can pay attention in advance, communicate and create an emotional mood.

"You need to plan the space, not the result, it's a time together in which nothing has to happen. If you feel anticipation before the appointed evening, and not accountability, it means that everything was done correctly," Yagudin emphasized.

At the same time, planning does not negate spontaneity. If the desire arises earlier than the appointed time, you do not need to give it up. The main problem arises when an agreement turns into an obligation and partners begin to perceive intimacy as a task.

According to the psychologist, an important part of the relationship remains the opportunity to honestly talk about their desires and condition. Intimacy makes sense only when participation in it is voluntary for both partners.

Psychologist Larisa Karavaytseva told "Izvestia" on June 9 that calmness in relationships is often confused with boredom. In her opinion, some people get so used to emotional stress that they begin to associate it with love. The expert emphasized that love does not have to be constantly accompanied by strong emotions.