Psychologists have assessed the dependence of the choice of a partner on the opinion of friends
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- Psychologists have assessed the dependence of the choice of a partner on the opinion of friends
Friendfluence — the habit of discussing dates and relationships with friends, receiving their appreciation and support, is becoming more and more noticeable against the background of growing social anxiety and the development of dating services. All the details are in the Izvestia article.
The origins and scale of the trend
Psychologist Milana Orekhova notes that friendfluence is not a fundamentally new phenomenon, but represents a transformation of the old habit of discussing personal life with loved ones. Previously, relatives acted as advisers, but now friends, coaches, and participants in shared chats have taken their place.
The scale of the phenomenon has changed with the development of technology. Now the discussion of dating goes out into the public space, and photos of potential partners become the object of collective expertise in closed communities. This turns the intimate process into a public discussion of the details.
Reasons for anxiety and seeking approval
Modern dating creates the illusion of endless choice, which increases the cost of making mistakes and increases the fear of dating. Psychologist Tatiana Smirnova emphasizes that the trend towards friendfluence reflects growing social anxiety and is becoming a way to combat it through finding a "foothold" in friends.
The desire to share your impressions helps to reduce stress levels. Orekhova explains this by the mechanism of social containerization: knowing that there is a support group nearby helps a person feel more confident, even if friends are not physically present at the meeting.
"Even if friends are not physically present, the very understanding that after a meeting you can discuss your experiences with those who accept you without evaluation helps you feel more confident," said Orekhova.
Risks to self-esteem and relationships
Excessive involvement of others prevents the formation of boundaries within the couple. Smirnova points out the risk of bias when the group's opinion becomes more important than their own experience, which is especially dangerous for people with an anxious type of attachment. This can lead to emotional distance between partners.
"Indeed, the support of friends can reduce anxiety and help you overcome setbacks, so in itself it is useful in any field. However, it is worth noting here that if a person does not know how to make their own decisions without the approval of the group, then this is already a form of avoiding personal vulnerability," Smirnova said.
Collective discussion of dating can also negatively affect self-esteem. According to Smirnova, turning a personal meeting into a matter of general discussion can increase feelings of shame and increase the fear of making mistakes in the future.
The Basics of Long-term Intimacy
To build sustainable relationships, it is necessary to learn how to resolve issues without intermediaries. Psychologists emphasize that intimacy skills are formed at the moment when two people take responsibility for each other and build a direct, environmentally friendly dialogue.
"But a stable relationship can only be built if two people gradually, without intermediaries, learn to trust each other, hear each other, and resolve issues without interference from parents, friends, or anyone else," Smirnova explained.
Orekhova adds that the opinion of the environment should be perceived as additional information, not a guide to action. Mature relationships should not depend on external evaluation, otherwise a romance is built between a person and the expectations of his social group, and not between two partners.
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