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Psychologists have explained the reasons for the popularity of the "solomaxing" trend

Psychologist Nikolaeva: there is a strong anxiety behind the desire to "choose yourself"
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Photo: IZVESTIA/Eduard Kornienko
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Young people are increasingly choosing "solomaxing," focusing on careers and hobbies instead of relationships. Why this happens and how the trend manifests itself is in the Izvestia article.

Why do young people choose "solomaxing"

Psychologist Victoria Nikolaeva notes that the term "solomaxing" hides a complex of underlying mechanisms. Often, the desire to "choose yourself" is accompanied by strong anxiety and fear of rejection, as relationships are always associated with the risk of disappointment. The psyche includes emotional avoidance, sublimating unspent energy into fitness, study, and shutting down one's own needs.

The specialist associates this strategy with an avoidant type of attachment formed in childhood or as a result of trauma, such as parental divorce or betrayal. A person creates a safe "aquarium" around himself to avoid pain and control from a partner. However, the price for such illusory autonomy is deep loneliness and the risk of a systemic personality crisis in adulthood.

"Relationships are a space where we learn to tolerate frustration, negotiate, forgive, receive support and give it back. Without this, we risk remaining in a box of self—sufficiency, which in fact turns out to be a prison," Nikolaeva emphasized.

Cognitive distortions and fears

Dmitry Yagudin, founder and head of the D.R. Yagudin International Neurouniversity, Doctor of Psychology, considers "solomaxing" through cognitive behavioral therapy. According to him, the conscious rejection of intimacy is often a cognitive distortion — a dichotomous thinking based on the principle "either I'm developing or I'm in a relationship." The brain chooses a binary to save resources, not considering that personal growth and intimacy can complement each other.

The culture of "achievement" turns loneliness into a reason for pride, repackaging it into success. A person accumulates diplomas and certificates in order not to look at himself in the mirror and not face reality. Total control over your schedule and decisions becomes the answer to anxiety, but in the long run it only preserves fears of uncertainty.

"Diplomas and certificates that hang on the wall, which you don't practice with, but just sometimes give someone some clever thoughts, are a way not to look at yourself in the mirror," Yagudin said.

The social aspect of the trend

An identity built solely around achievements is extremely fragile, as it is based on external factors. In the case of a career crisis or illness, this structure collapses, depriving a person of self-esteem. Yagudin warns that self—development without intimacy is growth in a vacuum, as a person cannot optimize himself alone, like a startup.

In modern conditions of instability, investing in oneself seems to be the only reliable investment for young people. However, this leads to the fact that people forget how to be together and support each other. As Yagudin noted, a healthy balance implies that self-development enriches the union, and relationships provide energy for further progress.

Переведено сервисом «Яндекс Переводчик»

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