A psychologist has revealed ways to talk about marriage and not destroy a relationship

Serious conversations about a future together in a couple can cause anxiety and threaten separation. Larisa Karavaytseva, psychologist of the Twinby online dating service, told about this on April 11.

"The question of the future is rarely just a question. More often than not, it hides something more personal — "Are you serious with me?" <...> That's why such conversations are often perceived as emotionally dangerous. Any careless word can destroy the illusion of stability, offend, or create a sense of "duty" that the partner is not yet ready for," she said in an interview with Gazeta.Ru».

Karavaytseva explained that the tension at the moments when the issue of marriage, children or relocation is voiced arises from deep attitudes. At this time, the topic of the next stage causes fears for your freedom, loss of relationships, or making the wrong choice. As a result, the partner begins to defend himself.

The expert describes this phenomenon from the point of view of attachment theory: when one partner strives for certainty and experiences anxiety when there is none, the other begins to move away because he feels pressure. Thus, a conversation that was supposed to bring people closer together becomes a point of divergence.

According to Karavaitseva, the topics of a shared future are safe if they are presented correctly: in order not to provoke a conflict, it is important to shift the focus from decision-making to exploring the partner's position. This approach will allow us to find out each other's motives, remaining ourselves and not losing our freedom, the psychologist concluded.

Hostages of feelings: is it necessary to look for evidence of adultery

Psychologists urged Russians to refrain from jealousy

On April 4, Karavaytseva told Izvestia about how to avoid awkwardness and typical mistakes when meeting a partner's parents. According to her, psychological roles often change during dating: parents are perceived as a "parent", and the partner as a "child" who strives to please and is afraid of evaluation. This turns the meeting into a test instead of an introduction. The expert stressed that one of the common mistakes is the surprise effect, when a person is not warned about a meeting. In addition, creating the perfect image of a partner becomes a problem.

All important news is on the Izvestia channel in the MAX messenger.