The expert stated the importance of dialogue in conflicts with teenagers against the background of personal boundaries.

The phrase "violation of the comfort zone" is increasingly heard among teenagers and is often used as a way to express dissatisfaction. On April 1, Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences, author of the book "Parents. The Return of Meaning" and "Revelation" by Tatiana Tsvetkova.

According to her, such formulations most often arise against the background of family conflicts, so they should be resolved through a calm and trusting dialogue. At the same time, the expert noted that the widespread approach today, in which a teenager allegedly needs to be allowed almost everything, is erroneous.

"I always say that connivance leads to irresponsibility. And irresponsibility leads to the fact that the child does not become an adult. Our task is to prepare him for adulthood. Well, why, tell me, become an adult if a child has more rights than an adult?" — said Tsvetkova.

She believes that in response to such statements, one should not immediately give explanations or enter into an argument. Instead, it is important to clarify exactly what the teenager means by his words. In her opinion, it is worth asking the child to explain himself what he means by "comfort" and "zone", since children often use the expressions they hear without fully realizing their meaning.

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The expert also recommended shifting the conversation from abstract formulations to specifics: discussing what exactly caused the discomfort, at what point the tension arose, and what actions the parents took as pressure. At the same time, it is important not to ridicule the teenager's words and not devalue his position, but to consistently find out the essence of the problem behind them.

At the same time, the specialist emphasized that not every requirement or rule in the family is a violation of personal boundaries. According to her, the family provides basic living conditions, safety and comfort, on which the teenager directly depends.

"The main thing is to talk to the child about the meaning of what he says and what he thinks. To bring him back to the meaning of words, rather than arguing with him in irritation," Tsvetkova added.

As an algorithm of action, she suggests starting not with pressure or concessions, but with dialogue: first listen to the teenager's position, then identify your own and eventually come to mutual agreements. The main goal is not to win the dispute, but to relieve tension and find a solution that suits both sides.

On March 3, clinical psychologist Daria Salnikova explained the effect of the phrase "I wasn't chosen" on a person's self-esteem. According to her, this expression reinforces a passive position and dependence on external evaluation, which is why self-esteem begins to be based on salary, approval or attention from others.

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