The wave of divorces after the New Year: why couples break up after the holidays
After the New Year holidays in Russia, the number of divorces and breakups among couples is traditionally increasing. According to psychologists, the reason lies not so much in the holidays themselves, but in those internal processes that long weekends trigger in a relationship. About why vacations exacerbate conflicts, what hidden problems manifest themselves during this period and whether it is possible to go through it without a break — in the material of Izvestia.
Why is there an increase in divorces after the New Year
According to clinical psychologist Ksenia Savelyeva, the increase in the number of divorces after the New Year holidays is a steady and long—observed phenomenon.
— Courts and registry offices traditionally record a surge in divorce petitions in January and February. This is such a common phenomenon that in the United States, for example, the first working Monday of the year has been informally named "National Divorce Day," the specialist noted.
The expert emphasizes that January does not create new problems in the relationship, but only strengthens existing ones.
— The long New Year holidays act as a powerful psychological magnifying glass. They don't create conflicts, but they expose and magnify the problems and emotional emptiness that it was convenient to ignore in the daily race," Savelieva explained.
Why holidays become a crisis trigger
The New Year and the subsequent long weekend form a unique combination of factors, which the psychologist calls the perfect storm for a relationship.
First, the summarizing mechanism is triggered. New Year is a symbolic milestone when people evaluate the past period and make plans for the future.
— Against this background, the key question arises: "Is the right person with me to start this new life?" Old problems suddenly seem unsolvable, and relationships are like ballast," the psychologist noted.
Secondly, vacations deprive a couple of their usual routine. Work and daily activities during normal hours serve as a kind of buffer, allowing you to avoid difficult conversations.
"When this background disappears, the couple is left alone not only with each other, but also with unresolved issues that have nowhere else to put off,— Savelieva explained.
Financial expenses, the need to communicate with relatives and the lack of personal space create additional pressure. A week of continuous cohabitation becomes a serious test of compatibility.
The physiological aspect is added to the psychological and everyday reasons. By the end of December, many people enter the holidays already emotionally exhausted.
— Seasonal affective disorder is not just a "melancholy." It is associated with a lack of sunlight, a decrease in serotonin production and a violation of biological rhythms," the expert explained.
According to Savelyeva, background fatigue, apathy and irritability reduce partners' patience. At the same time, the symptoms of SAR are often mistakenly perceived as a personal attitude on the part of a loved one.
Alcohol becomes an additional catalyst.
— Alcohol reduces control and allows you to express accumulated grievances sharply and mercilessly. Morning regrets can no longer undo what has been said," the psychologist noted.
Which conflicts most often escalate during the holidays
The holidays, according to the expert, work like a magnifying glass, highlighting the fundamental problems in a couple. One of the main reasons is emotional alienation.
— When conversations about work tasks disappear, it may turn out that there is nothing more to talk about. This silence exposes a chronic lack of dialogue and real intimacy," Savelieva noted.
The second common source of conflict is the uneven distribution of household workload.
— If one partner lives in the "second shift" mode for a week, doing cooking, cleaning and children, and the other just rests, the holiday turns into a source of burnout and deep resentment, — the psychologist explained.
Another factor is different life vectors. Festive conversations about the future can unexpectedly show that partners have long wanted different things and are moving in different directions.
How to maintain a relationship during the holidays
The psychologist emphasizes that the key to maintaining a relationship is to give up high expectations.
— The main secret is to stop expecting miracles from the holidays. A "good enough" and peaceful holiday is much more valuable than an ideal one, achieved at the cost of conflict and exhaustion, Savelieva noted.
The expert advises discussing the budget in advance, allocating responsibilities, planning visits to relatives, and articulating expectations from each other. Personal space remains an important element.
— Scheduling time for privacy is not selfishness, but relationship hygiene. Continuous contact drains even the strongest alliances," she stressed.
Separately, the specialist recommends not to make fateful decisions in the midst of the holidays.
— If it's hot, arrange to discuss it after the holidays, in a relaxed atmosphere. Don't decide the fate of a relationship in your pajamas under the tree," she added.
According to Ksenia Savelyeva, the high divorce rate does not indicate the destruction of the institution of the family, but its transformation.
— This is not the collapse of marriage, but its painful evolution — from a union of duty to a partnership of choice. We are looking for not just stability at any cost in a relationship, but mutual support and emotional intimacy," the expert explained.
New Year's holidays in this context become a tough but honest test of strength. Some couples come to a decision on divorce, others use the crisis as an excuse for dialogue and a reset of relations.
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