The psychologist named the reasons for falling in love with emotionally unavailable people

Emotionally unavailable people are not necessarily introverted outsiders or silent outcasts. They are often bright, charismatic individuals who outwardly seem sociable, even loving, but inside remain closed to deep intimacy. On September 20, a practicing psychologist, HR director of Together LLC, told Izvestia about why people fall in love with emotionally unavailable partners.PRO", Lyasira Marat, practicing psychologist, PR specialist Dmitry Chernyshov.

One of the main reasons is the fear of destroying your own world. Many of us have learned to love those who were unavailable from the very beginning, be it cold parents or first love experiences. According to Chernyshov, such attachment remains at the level of fantasies and illusions.

In addition, according to practice, people often choose emotionally closed partners in order not to encounter real intimacy. The "missionaries" of such a relationship believe they can change the other person. But true love in such cases turns into a struggle with one's own fears.

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"Many of these reasons are based on one powerful illusion — the illusion of control and the role of a "missionary." A person challenges himself: it is I who can change, make this emotionally inaccessible person fall in love with the belief that efforts, dedication and love can overcome his barriers. It gives you a sense of power and competence, because if you succeed, it will prove your exclusivity," said the specialist.

Chernyshov suggested doing an exercise to understand what exactly motivates a person. He advised me to imagine that a person falls in love with an emotionally open and accessible partner. It is important to note which feelings arise: anxiety, boredom or distrust.

He also added that if you imagine how life will change with such a partner, the constant tension and speculation will disappear, peace and a sense of security will appear, where love will be based not on merit, but on acceptance. In such a relationship, a person will be able to be himself without proving his worth, and his life will be filled with joy and mutual respect.

On August 28, psychologist Yulia Vorobyova told Izvestia how to build a happy relationship. According to her, it is important to share responsibility and agree on this in advance before problems occur. The specialist also drew attention to the fact that understanding each other's strategies is the key to good communication.

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