Breaking up: why men are more likely to die from unhappy love
Men experience more personal dramas than women. Foreign scientists have drawn attention to the fact that representatives of the stronger sex are more likely to die from the so-called broken heart syndrome (takotsubo cardiomyopathy). It occurs against the background of severe stress and suppressed emotions. How breakups and infidelities literally break the heart, why men can't stand such trials and how to avoid tragedy — in the material of Izvestia.
How does a myocardial infarction manifest itself?
There is no such diagnosis as "broken heart syndrome" in the International Classification of Diseases, but this term is used in general medical terminology, says Denis Prokofiev, a general practitioner, cardiologist, and holder of the status of "Moscow Doctor." This condition is called a syndromic diagnosis by doctors: it indicates the presence of a serious cardiac pathology in the patient — cardiomyopathy. The main signs of the syndrome are severe chest pain, shortness of breath, and tachycardia. Stress and intense emotions are among the main causes. It is no coincidence that one of the names of the dangerous condition is stress—induced cardiomyopathy.
— No matter what the name of the syndrome is, there are critical heart conditions that occur precisely against the background of psychoemotional stress. When parting with a loved one and other experiences, people's pulse and blood pressure rise. When it rises to an extreme point, a hypertensive crisis occurs, and tachycardia occurs against the background of the release of adrenaline," says Denis Prokofiev.
If the unpleasant situation drags on, then all these factors have an extremely negative effect on the heart and on the coronary vessels, the expert explains.
— The cardiovascular system begins to work under increased stress. If at this moment it turns out that a person had any pathologies from the heart, congenital or acquired, and there are additional risk factors, then all this together can lead to a myocardial infarction," the expert continues.
If there was no heart attack, then the heart may increase in size — this is cardiomyopathy.
— The warning signals are an increase in blood pressure (normally it should not be higher than 130 to 90), as well as a pulse rate of more than 100 beats per minute in a calm state. But such a critical moment will not come immediately, but only if these symptoms persist for a long time," the expert comments.
From the point of view of a cardiologist, in this case, the doctor should not consider the condition only as hypertension and tachycardia.
— If we understand that the stress factor prevails in the patient against the background of parting with a loved one or some kind of relationship problems, then treatment should be directed to relieve the nervous system and put it in order. That is, to use drugs that will give a sedative (sedative) effect," comments Denis Prokofiev.
The heart is an organ that provides blood supply to the entire body. The general practitioner emphasizes that the heart of a healthy person will always pump blood properly. But in the presence of conditions such as atherosclerosis, coronary vascular diseases, congenital pathologies, etc., very serious problems are possible. These patients need to take special care of themselves and seek support on time.
— The heart may lose its rhythm — this is the so-called paroxysm (exacerbation) of atrial fibrillation or other types of arrhythmias. In this case, the process of contraction and relaxation of our main muscle is disrupted. These processes are possible. But if the heart stops pumping blood, then biological death occurs. Stopping blood circulation is unacceptable for a minute," the expert concludes.
Men are more likely to complain about the heart
Why are the representatives of the stronger sex literally painfully experiencing a breakup? Doctors have their own opinion on this. In particular, men and women have very different hormonal processes. The weaker sex is protected from the blows of fate in its own way.
— In the case of women, emotional relief during stress plays a big role — tears, screaming. Despite the primitiveness of these processes, they carry a great semantic load. When a person screams, his air flow increases, which allows the body to turn on the adaptation mechanism, normalize blood pressure and pulse and thus relieve stress, says Dr. Prokofiev.
Violent emotions have a beneficial effect on the nervous system — the release of hormones is activated, and the load on the heart decreases.
— Men don't express emotions so vividly, they don't give them a way out, they lock themselves in. Hormonal levels are disrupted by stress, tachycardia occurs, and blood pressure rises. Sometimes men try to relieve stress with alcohol, but this only makes the situation worse," continues Dr. Prokofiev.
As a result, angina pectoris occurs — it is characterized by pain in the heart area due to increased stress on the coronary vessels. The next stage is a massive heart attack. "Unfortunately, our people don't know how to deal with stress at all," the expert complains.
How not to raise your sons
Candidate of Psychological Sciences Alina Koroleva emphasizes that men who were raised by an emotionally unavailable mother in childhood experience the most difficult personal problems. In other words, the mother was stingy with her feelings, treated her son coldly and with indifference.
"This happens when a mother has serious external or internal problems and worries," the expert explains. — Then there are simply not enough resources for loving a child.
Deprived of spiritual warmth, a boy grows up with the so—called trauma of rejection - he finds it difficult to arrange a personal life, he may even avoid intimacy, fearing that he will not find love and affection in a relationship. And if he fails in matters of the heart, then he experiences it very painfully.
— Any breakup increases the pain of his injury, aggravates the feeling of his "badness", — the psychologist comments. — In the absence of professional help, it will not be possible to weaken the trauma of rejection.
But men rarely seek help. Usually, fearing a new round of increased pain, they prefer not to create new relationships or emotionally approach women.
— There is an opinion that a man should be strong and not show his feelings to anyone. These are the concepts of alpha males. Men keep their emotions to themselves for fear of being humiliated. You share something personal, and then it's used against you. Thus, for them to seek emotional support means to demonstrate their weakness, to show their vulnerability," the psychologist argues.
It's no coincidence that women tend to recover faster from personal setbacks. They have more than just tears in their arsenal.
— If I ask you about films about the recovery of women after a divorce, then you will immediately list a few for me. Among the most famous are "Eat, Pray, Love", "Under the Tuscan Sun". But a similar question about films about men will cause difficulties," says Alina Koroleva.
In addition, according to Candidate of Psychological Sciences Alina Koroleva, women tend to talk about their problems, they are more willing to seek help from a psychologist. It helps to recover from a painful breakup.
— Even the healing effect of understanding that you are not the only one who has this happening can be healing. Many years ago, my husband and I, a psychologist, simultaneously opened two closed support groups on social networks after a divorce for women and men. There were 100 participants in the women's group, but only five in the men's group," says Alina Koroleva.
According to the expert, in the women's group, the participants were willing to share their experiences, while the men were in no hurry to tell anything about themselves. Thus, women tend to seek support from like—minded women, which helps them recover from a divorce.
How to forget about old relationships and start new ones
Any negative experience in a relationship, especially when breaking up, is important to recycle, emphasizes Alina Koroleva. Then he not only does not interfere, but, on the contrary, helps to create a new happy relationship.
— It is best to talk to a specialist who will help you draw healthy conclusions. Independent conclusions that "all women are mercantile fools" do not contribute to resolving the situation in any way. They only deepen the internal conflict and discourage the desire to create new relationships," warns Alina Koroleva.
In order not to suffer to the point of heartbreak, men can also find the right person to talk to them, or a support group — people with whom they can safely share their secrets and develop an adequate view of what is happening.
— An adequate view is an objective analysis of why the relationship did not work out, what were the mistakes of choice. Most often, relationships break up because they were built on a fragile foundation — passion, intense love. The real reasons may be differences in values, different personalities of the partners and different views on the future of the couple," says the psychologist.
A proper understanding of what really went wrong removes a significant part of the internal painful feelings, the expert emphasizes. The psychologist believes that it is also important for health to be able to get rid of negative emotions. Not to suppress them, but to release them in time. This can be done, for example, during sports.
— It is also necessary to get rid of feelings of guilt and bad thoughts about yourself. Guilt internally destroys a person very much. It is better to recognize your part of the responsibility for your actions, for choosing a partner and the breakdown of a relationship, and draw conclusions for the future," the expert suggests.
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