Love by age: why people over 40 are increasingly choosing peers
The trend of age-appropriate love has been sweeping social media lately. Users are inspired by famous couples who have found happiness in relationships with their peers. Among them are Hollywood actors Keanu Reeves and Hugh Jackman, who chose mature women rather than young models as their companions. These and many other examples encourage people not to limit themselves to strict age limits when looking for a partner. According to experts, love between people with a small difference in age can be much stronger than in a couple with a noticeable gap. Izvestia studied why there is a trend for relationships with peers, what are the pros and cons of such a choice and whether it is difficult to find a soul mate when you are over 40.
Two halves: why peers are in fashion again
The beginning of 2025 has become for many people a period of rethinking their lives and peace of mind. Crazy challenges have given way to awareness and the growing popularity of traditional family values. In the West, these trends have been embodied in the trend of age-appropriate love. Social media users are following the example of media age-appropriate couples who have built happy relationships with age-mates.
One prime example is the relationship between actor Keanu Reeves and his lover, artist Alexandra Grant. Despite his popularity, the 60-year-old star of "The Matrix" chose as his partner a 51-year-old energetic woman who interested him as a creative person. Users note that the love of celebrities looks "lively and sincere". The same can be said about the relationship between 56-year-old actor Hugh Jackman and his girlfriend Sutton Foster, who will turn 50 this year.
Producer Iosif Prigozhin and singer Valeria
In Russian show business there are also many who could become an example for the trend of age-appropriate love. 56-year-old singer Valeria has been married to 55-year-old producer Iosif Prigozhin for more than 20 years. Pop singer Dmitry Malikov, who will celebrate his 55th birthday this year, has been happy for 24 years with his wife - 61-year-old businesswoman Elena. And the wife of the famous restaurateur 62-year-old Arkady Novikov Nadezhda is only five years younger than her husband, which does not prevent them from living soul to soul for more than three decades.
These and many other celebrities who have earned recognition and multi-million dollar fortunes have proven that relationships with peers can be strong and happy. But in reality, things may not be so rosy. In Russia, the idea that a woman "fades" over the years, while a man on the contrary - becomes more attractive - is still prevalent. Anna Osipova, a matchmaker and founder of a marriage agency, told Izvestia that for one average man there are about 20 offers from women who want to create a couple with him.
- Russia is a country of contradictions. Despite the modern society, often the foundations and stereotypes remain at the level of the XIX century. The statistics of people choosing each other leaves much to be desired. Unfortunately, if a man is anything (in his opinion), he allows himself to choose a woman 15-20 years younger, without paying attention to women of the same age, - said the expert.
The exception is the age segment 60+, when candidates have a positive attitude to people of their generation and do not seek to prolong their youth and "jump into the last carriage". Foreigners, who do not attach much importance to age, appearance and geography, also treat women of the same age favorably. Unlike the majority of compatriots, for foreign men having children with an adult woman is a natural circumstance, not a disadvantage, added the matchmaker.
On the same wavelength: the pros of relationships with peers
The popularity of couples of the same age reflects the development of ideas of equality and partnership, which in recent years have become central to relationships. According to psychologist Elena Stebakova, the Millennial (born between 1981 and 1996) and Zoomer (1997-2012) generations value emotional closeness and mutual understanding more than financial stability or status. Peers will find it easier to find common language, because they look at career, family, hobbies in the same way and have similar values, the expert noted.
Psychologist, expert on family relations Victoria Vlasova told "Izvestia" about the main positive aspects of relationships with partners of their generation. Among them:
- A common outlook on life. People with a small age difference grew up in the same time, so their values, interests and memories often coincide. This creates a deep understanding of each other that is difficult to achieve in couples with a large difference in years;
- Relationship equality. Peers do not try to dominate or impose their opinions. Instead, they see each other as equal partners, which makes the relationship healthy and harmonious;
-Shared developmental dynamics. When one is at the same stage of life as their partner, it is easier for the couple to plan for the future. They have similar ambitions, interests and pace of life;
- Emotional maturity. People of the same age often understand each other better in times of crisis, are able to negotiate and support each other.
Along with this, the age range of partners should also be taken into account. The difference between 45-year-olds and 20-year-olds represents a significant gap in values and finances, while the difference between 45-year-olds and 60-year-old partners will not be so significant. And the older the couple is, the easier it is for them to find similar interests and mutual understanding, said Elena Stebakova.
Why daddies and milfs have become a bad tone
Relationships with milfs were one of the popular trends of 2024. Young people from 18 to 30 years old dreamed of having an affair with bright energetic women 40+. At the same time, affluent men 45+ continued to choose 20-year-old girls with model looks, who mostly gave the impression of a "beautiful accessory" for social events.
Today, however, it is increasingly common to see this kind of relationship being viewed negatively on social media. Caricatured stereotypes like a daddy with a young girl or a young alfonse with a mature woman have become symbols of insincerity and dependence in a couple.
-From the point of view of psychology, such relationships are often seen as an attempt to compensate for personal complexes and insecurities, because they realize the unconscious desires of both partners. It is important for one to feel younger, and for the other to obey and not take responsibility. This contradicts the idea of psychologically mature relationships," explained Elena Stebakova.
According to clinical psychologist Ksenia Savelieva, modern youth is actively working on forming their own identity and independence. No one wants to be morally or financially dependent on others. Zoomers strive to be full-fledged individuals who have worked through trauma and are ready to build healthy and equal relationships. This is reflected in their choice of partner: peers with whom mutual understanding and respect can be achieved are favored.
In addition, the change in age criteria when looking for a companion may be due to the influence of the feminist movement, which emphasizes the importance of women's independence and their right to choose a lover on the basis of common interests and values, rather than material wealth or status, said the expert.
Is it difficult to build a relationship after 40
According to experts, finding a partner at a mature age can be a difficult task. By the age of 40, most people have already accumulated a rich emotional baggage: they know which person is suitable for them, and on whom they are not ready to spend precious time. But it is this awareness that sometimes becomes an obstacle when they start looking not for a living person, but for an ideal image that meets all the perceptions and expectations, explained VQ-coach, hypnotherapist, psychologist Dmitry Regesha.
- Over the years, a person has its own full-fledged way of life, and it is not easy to let another person into this established system. At 40+ many people already have children, a successful career and their own social circle. All this creates additional complexity in building serious relationships," the expert said.
According to Marina Zabagonskaya, a practicing psychologist and sexologist, men after 40 are more focused on interaction with a woman with whom they can realize their sexual needs and provide themselves with psychological comfort. Often at this age they are not ready to change to better suit the partner. In women after the fourth decade there is a need to find a reliable partner-friend, rather than a do-gooder and intercessor. By this time, stereotypes that a man should make the first step are gone, women are more proactive. The criterion of mature sexuality is the ability to build a stable union based on emotional and psychological closeness, the expert said.
Build a healthy and sensual relationship after 40 years is quite realistic, said Dmitry Regesha. According to the expert, for this purpose, when looking for a partner should be based on the following principles:
-Stop being afraid of the past. Mistakes, breakups and disappointments - this is not a reason to close yourself off from new opportunities. The past does not define a person, but teaches to move forward more consciously;
- Discuss expectations openly. Frank conversations about goals and plans help avoid misunderstandings and lay the foundation for a long-term union. Practice shows that sincerity in such matters always makes it easier to find your man;
- Develop flexibility. It is important to be able to revise habits and be open to mutual concessions. It is not about sacrifices, but about the willingness to adapt for the sake of harmony;
- Invest in yourself. After 40, it is especially important to take care of physical and emotional well-being. Self-confidence, desire for growth and inner harmony make a person more attractive and open to quality relationships;
-Not being afraid to try new things. Dating sites, parties, hobby clubs or just going out in new places are all great ways to expand your social circle. Sometimes happiness comes where you weren't expecting it at all.
