In love and nasty: how marriage prolongs life
"Marriage has killed more women than famine, war and natural disaster," said Cruella de Vil, the heroine of a famous children's movie. But for men, according to a recent study, marriage has a positive effect: they age much slower and live longer than their single companions. On whether a good thing is called marriage, whether the household can really ruin youth and how to pass the main tests of life together - in the material "Izvestia".
Old age and joy
A study recently published in the journal International Social Work, looked at how marriage affects the aging process of men and women, revealing a significant difference for spouses of different sexes. Experts tracked the health and well-being of married people between the ages of 45 and 85 for 20 years according to a list of specific markers, taking into account not only physical but also mental health, as well as social status and self-perception in relation to age.
Overall, the study found that married men age significantly slower than their never-married peers. But such a tone is maintained only in the absence of long separations, divorce and death of a spouse, which negatively affect the general state of health.
But with regard to women's well-being so positive conclusions could not be made - the analysis showed that married ladies age without any significant differences from their free friends. At the same time, parting with a spouse also brings big problems for women's health - it shows that stable relationships have a great influence on the human condition.
In addition, the latest data published in the journal Global Epidemiology shows that a comfortable married life helps to reduce the mortality rate among women by a third, even if marriage later turns into divorce. At the same time, according to a study that appeared in Nature Human Behavior, single people are more prone to mental health problems. Thus, unmarried representatives of humanity are 79% more likely to fall into depression, and divorced spouses are 99% more likely to develop this disease than married ones.
Candidate of Psychological Sciences, teacher at the International Institute of Psychology Smart Ekaterina Legostaeva notes that the data presented in the journal International Social Work, are not sensational, because such a trend regarding aging in marriage has been maintained for decades.
- If we open the 2002 textbook "Differential Psychophysiology of Man and Woman" edited by Ilyin, it contains the same data, from which we can conclude that the statistics has not changed in 20 years," says the specialist.
At the same time, she notes that the figures also depend on the fact that boys are born 5% more than girls, and the reduction in the number of men by the age of 30-40 years is more related to social factors: military actions, injuries, addictions and diseases.
- It's also worth noting that women are more likely to have a socialized retirement. It's not uncommon to see a creative team made up of women 60+. Add a vegetable garden, spending time with grandchildren, going to markets and stores are daily necessities, so these kinds of tasks help women feel needed. This also supports their longevity and vitality," adds Ekaterina Legostayeva.
Like little children
Matchmaker and creator of the marriage agency Anna Osipova notes that in theory, official marriage has a beneficial effect on life expectancy in general, but practice and statistics dictate their own figures. The main role, according to the specialist, plays not the official status, and the worldview of the partners, how mature they are and how they perceive their union.
- You can live in an official marriage as a "cat and dog", and you can live happily ever after without the unfortunate stamp and even in a guest relationship. Everything depends only on two people who consciously make their choice in favor of this or that relationship," the expert argues in a conversation with Izvestia.
The founder of the federal network of clinics "Teeth in One Day" Zalim Kudaev shared with Izvestia the statistics according to which women are more likely to visit medical institutions of any level than men - the ratio is about 60% to 40% respectively.
- Women are more health-conscious, organize successful time management and control their spouses' doctor's appointments. Also, women give more importance than men to preventive visits to the doctor and make sure that the whole family has regularity of such procedures," the doctor says. Therefore, in his opinion, married people are often "better diagnosed", more often visit specialists in the field of medicine and do not reach a state where there is no strength to endure.
With this agrees and Ekaterina Legostaeva, emphasizing that men of age in the form of a spouse get a "free caregiver" who makes sure that they take medications, eat right, count calories, monitor the level of cholesterol, sugar, which favorably affects life expectancy.
- Singles most often catch up only at the symptoms of a serious disease. Therefore, men in marriage really gain a lot on the long term, although in the moment like to complain about some household chores, - adds the expert.
At the same time, single women live longer, because they have time for themselves and above all for a healthy sleep.
- In married life, women often have chronic sleep deprivation due to the fact that the husband snores, with his work schedule, which may not coincide with hers. Often a woman waits for her husband from work to feed her (especially if her husband's job is night or late). This causes a woman's body to break down faster due to lack of sleep, and consequently, her longevity is jeopardized," the psychologist concludes.
Who extracts the mammoth
The difference in how marriage affects men and women may be due to the fact that the fair sex is much less in need of a relationship. A study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that ladies feel happier being single, less likely to need a partner, more sexually satisfied and satisfied in general.
Researchers attributed this to the fact that women are more likely to rely on supportive platonic rather than romantic relationships because they have to take on a greater share of household responsibilities and their sexual pleasure is undervalued.
At the same time, as Ekaterina Legostaeva points out, women in different periods tend toward different types of relationships. Thus, during the blossoming of sexuality, they are more in need of a romantic connection. Then gradually, when attachment is already formed, and to maintain oxytocin and serotonin does not require intensive contact, ladies can move to platonic relationships. Men of age, on the contrary, perceive sex as a way to prove their masculinity and cling to the idea of masculinity, which is associated with sexual activity.
Matchmaker Anna Osipova also claims that men feel the need for a family more strongly than the fair sex.
- Woman by nature is so strong that she can give birth to children and bring them up, and also be in great shape. And a man needs a couple, in the "need" for someone. His function is to be a protector of offspring," says the expert. According to Anna Osipova, in today's world women can do without a partner, they can get "mammoths" themselves, but a man always strives to be close to the one who cares about him.
Testing with a suitcase
Traveling is a serious test for couples that can both strengthen and destroy a relationship. This follows a Talker Research survey commissioned by Discover Puerto Rico, which was conducted among 2,000 people. 73% of respondents admitted that traveling together becomes a real test for lovers.
Among the most important factors of compatibility, the respondents included shopping and hygiene habits, food preferences, planning vs. spontaneity and activity level. At the same time, 61% of couples found that traveling brought romance back, and 40% felt closer to their partner upon their return.
And the household, which, according to popular opinion, kills love, according to Anna Osipova, no longer has such a great impact on the relationship between spouses, as most things are easier to do thanks to modern technology, especially if the partners know how to negotiate.
Ekaterina Legostaeva disagrees with this position, arguing that if both spouses work, the woman is under agreatburden in the form of cleaning, cooking and parenting.
- We are now talking about the phenomenon of maternal burnout, including the fact that the emotional overload is so strong that there is not enough remaining 4-6 hours of sleep. Therefore, women can be in a very poor state in terms of their physical and mental health.
At the same time, the psychologist confirms that if the household is shared between both spouses, there are no problems as such.
One of the most serious tests for marriage matchmaker Anna Osipova considers the midlife crisis. As a rule, the man at this point is summarizing the intermediate results of achievements and comparing themselves with other men, and women experience unjustified expectations from the relationship, the conviction that she was underestimated, and frustration that the family took the time that could have been spent on development and their own goals.
- This passes quickly if the spouses are friends. Friendship is the foundation of any relationship. Not fault finding, but an adult conversation about what can be done about it. Any problem can be solved if people want it, - suggests the specialist.
Change together
A healthy marriage is a union of adults who are responsible for all their decisions and actions, says matchmaker Anna Osipova.
- Why are there so many divorces? Because people serve their traumas and revel in it, believing that everyone around them owes them. Their ideal picture does not coincide with reality, and someone just "crawls away" quickly and painlessly, and someone with manic persistence breaks the partner on the knee, achieving the desired result for themselves, - argues the expert.
She notes that everyone has conflicts, but mentally grown people know how to discuss and negotiate. It is important to take into account that the partner - a living person, not a prince from a fairy tale or a movie, so you should look at him objectively.
- Always ask yourself an important question: why? It applies not only to your personal life, but also to everything that happens around you. And when you are honest with yourself, you will see that everything is much simpler than it seems, - advises the expert.
Ekaterina Legostaeva is also sure that a marriage without conflicts is impossible.
- The family is a group, and in the group there is always a clash of some opinions, assessments. Therefore, it is an illusion that people can live all the time soul to soul and nothing critical between them never happens. This stereotype must first of all be abandoned and we must learn to talk to each other," says the psychologist.
She points out that the tasks for partners can be different depending on the age or stage of the relationship. For a mature union is important continuation of the family, while for a newly formed couple in the first place are the enjoyment of each other, building community and creating affection. That said, even spouses who have raised children can still enjoy creating and traveling together.
- When it comes to long-term relationships in marriage, it's important to set yourself up for both partners to change. They should not try to preserve themselves as they were in their 20s, but instead, with interest to study the person next to them and see how they become different, and allow themselves to grow and develop. In this case, the relationship can be long-lasting," concludes Ekaterina Legostayeva.
