The psychologist named the reasons for craving for emotionally complex relationships

Some people may perceive stable and reliable relationships as not emotional enough, and may be interested in cold or unpredictable partners. Such behavior is often associated not with real incompatibility, but with the peculiarities of the perception of intimacy and habitual relationship scenarios. Crisis psychologist Vitaly Balashov told "Izvestia" about this on September 20.

According to the expert, in the practice of psychologists, there are often situations when a person refuses a caring and reliable partner, explaining this by the lack of vivid emotions. At the same time, a strong attraction may arise to people who are emotionally unavailable or create a feeling of instability. Balashov noted that the reason for this choice may be related to the peculiarities of the psyche. People often strive not for what is objectively better for them, but for what seems familiar and understandable.

According to the psychologist, if in childhood a person got used to fighting for the attention of loved ones, faced unpredictability or lack of emotional support, in adulthood he may perceive such a relationship model as habitual. As a result, calmness, reliability, and predictability can be mistakenly perceived as a lack of feelings.

"Our brain is evolutionarily built in such a way as to choose not the best, but the familiar, because the familiar is perceived as safe. The stability offered by a good and reliable partner can sometimes seem strange and unusual," Balashov explained.

The expert called the mechanism of repetition of past scenarios another factor. According to him, a person can unconsciously choose partners who look like significant people from childhood, trying to get from them the acceptance and attention that was once lacking. At the same time, a reliable person may not conform to the usual emotional model, therefore they may be perceived as less attractive.

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The psychologist also drew attention to the role of biochemical processes. According to him, relationships with constant emotional fluctuations can be accompanied by strong releases of hormones associated with stress and expectation of reward. In more stable relationships, feelings of trust, calmness, and affection are more often formed.

According to Balashov, giving up emotional swings can be difficult because the psyche needs time to adapt to a new type of relationship.

The expert noted that in order to build a healthy bond, it is important to learn how to distinguish strong excitement from real intimacy.

"Butterflies in the stomach are not always about love. Sometimes they can be followed by anxiety and a familiar relationship scenario," the psychologist said.

According to him, you should not make a decision to break up just because a calm relationship seems unusual at first. It is important for a person to give themselves time to adapt to a safe communication format and learn to notice feelings that arise without constant drama.

Balashov stressed that choosing a reliable partner may not be a rejection of emotions, but a step towards a more mature relationship based on trust and mutual support.

On February 13, Anastasia Cardiakos, a family psychologist and psychotherapist, told why single people are afraid of never meeting love and what to do about it. She noted that one of the main reasons for the belief "I won't meet anyone" is related to self-esteem. If a person feels unworthy, they automatically underestimate their chances of happiness.