The psychologist called the signs of abusive relationships

Today, many people are talking about fatshaming, gaslighting and abuse. But complex words hide quite everyday situations: jokes about weight, devaluation of emotions, control and threats. Twinby psychologist Larisa Karavaytseva told Izvestia on November 2 why these are not manifestations of love, but forms of psychological violence that destroy relationships.

With the growing popularity of psychology, the information field has been filled with professional terms: it seems that everyone around is talking about nothing but abuse, gaslighting, narcissists and "victims". At some point, there was so much talk about it that many began to ridicule the real problems behind the complicated words. But in fact, these are not just fashionable terms, but concepts from professional psychology that describe real-life situations.

"The situations that are hidden behind popular words actually happen in many families, and statistics confirm this: over the past year, the number of complaints of psychological violence has increased significantly. People are beginning to recognize in everyday conflicts what was previously perceived as the norm," the expert notes.

Some of the most popular psychological terms now are fatshaming, gaslighting, and abuse. The situations that these concepts describe are considered by psychologists to be factors that indicate that there are serious problems in a relationship. For example, fatshaming. In fact, the term describes a situation where you are being shamed for your weight. Experts note that constant negative assessments of the figure lead to the development of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.

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"A partner often hints to his significant other that she should lose weight, saying phrases like: "Maybe you should exercise, bun?" or "Oh, this skirt makes you fat," "What chubby hands you have! This has never happened before." Even if it initially sounds soft and imperceptible, over time such words cause the victim to feel guilty, ashamed and insecure. The person feels unattractive and unnecessary," explains the psychologist.

Moreover, she noted that a person can get real health problems — the desire to meet the expectations of a partner often forces the victim to go on strict diets or physically exhaust himself. At the same time, the victim ceases to trust the partner, moves away emotionally and eventually begins to avoid intimate moments.

The second "red flag" describes another fashionable term — gaslighting. In fact, this is a form of psychological violence in which one partner systematically denies the reality of the other's experiences and experiences, making them doubt their own adequacy of perception of reality.

"For example, fans of gaslighting partners often say, "It's all your imagination," "You're exaggerating," "This never happened." In fact, a person is being told that he has "made everything up" or is "overreacting." As a result, the basic sense of reality is destroyed, the victim begins to doubt his own feelings and memories, and loses confidence in his ability to objectively assess what is happening. A person simply stops trusting himself, and a healthy relationship in this situation is out of the question," Karavaytseva clarified.

One of the most popular psychological terms is abuse, which is a form of abuse that includes physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse. The abuser seeks to control his partner, suppress his will and deprive him of independence, using threats, manipulation, criticism, isolation and coercion.

The psychologist explained that this concept is too voluminous, but most victims experience several factors: constant reproaches and criticism, restrictions on freedom of movement and communication, financial dependence and cost control, physical violence or the threat of its use. In fact, this is control, any threats, emotional pressure, as a result of which the victim earns a sense of guilt, learned helplessness and a lot of fears.

"If you leave, you won't find anyone better": even such a phrase means that you are not loved," the expert notes.

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According to the expert, it is important to recognize the alarm signals behind these terms in time, and this is possible if you try to analyze your partner's relationships and actions.

"Understand that this is violence, and this understanding is already a step towards recovery. There is no need to blame yourself or be ashamed: no one is ready for abusive relationships, they are formed gradually. Analyze and mark recurring patterns. If you feel guilty or afraid, that's a signal. Don't try to justify your partner. His behavior is his choice, it is not your duty to "cure" him," Karavaytseva drew attention.

Sometimes the hardest part is admitting that the person you love is hurting. Especially if aggression is hidden under the words "I just care about you" or "I love you so much." This is a difficult experience, and getting out of it emotionally is much more difficult than it might seem from the advice on the Internet.

"If you already understand that the relationship is abusive, ask for support, talk to your loved ones, contact a specialist or a psychological community," the expert suggested.

Earlier, on April 14, clinical psychologist Daria Salnikova told how to build healthy relationships. The specialist emphasized that there is no single formula for healthy relationships.

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