The face is not right: whether avatars should be retouched on social networks
People who like to embellish their appearance on social networks and dating sites are at risk of getting into a ridiculous situation. A retouched avatar can play a cruel joke on a first date. How to react if the meeting came a man, far from the ideal portrait, and why people change for the better photo, but not the appearance - in the material "Izvestia".
Mental disorder or character trait
Psychiatrist, sexologist Alexei Vilkov sees nothing unnatural in the fact that people want to look different than they are in reality. To seem better is inherent in many people - it is a feature of our psyche, emphasizes the expert. Some people have this need more pronounced, others less.
- But if such accentuation (a strongly pronounced character trait) is maximally manifested everywhere and always, it may speak of a psychopathy of personality, of its disorder, most often - demonstrative - the so-called hysteroid disorder. This person wears certain masks, prefers a flamboyant, fictitious image, sometimes quite grotesque," says Alexei Vilkov.
Such behavior immediately catches the eye, as it does not correspond to reality and causes bewilderment of others. However, this extreme behavior has nothing to do with the majority of users.
- Many try to embellish themselves. And just messengers and social networks give a great opportunity to create their ideal image. This is a variant of the norm, - reassures the psychiatrist.
According to the sexologist, people who communicate in social networks, quite admit that photos can be slightly distorted in terms of reality, retouched and presented in a more favorable light. It is important to be prepared for the fact that in reality the image may not match what is seen in the picture. And if a person is already prepared for a slight distortion of reality, they will be less disappointed.
- Modern technology allows you to use video communication for preliminary mini-dates. This makes it possible to create a full-fledged image of a real person and reduce the likelihood of disappointment at a face-to-face meeting," comments the expert.
If the partner still turned out to be not what you expected, it is important to show respect and tact, says the psychiatrist. You should not say directly that a person expected something different from the appearance and age of vis-a-vis. The date can be minimized, politely say goodbye and then do not worry about a failed meeting.
How to prepare for the first date
According to professional matchmaker Anna Osipova, the time of the rapid race "for successful success" and glossy covers illusory life is gradually going away. But as long as it dictates its harsh rules, the private life of people is presented through the prism of fake smiles and retouched photos. Fortunately, naturalness and honesty are once again coming to the forefront and becoming a trend, emphasizes the expert. Making yourself a virtual beauty, if you are not one, is already a mauvais. And men quickly recognize the use of filters. But this is not the main disadvantage of fans of retouching.
- Come on a date, knowing that the man is waiting for a "woman from the cover," - a risky business. Unless, of course, the lady is having fun in this way, collecting for statistics of men's reactions to the cardinal inconsistency with the declared image, - says Anna Osipova ironically.
If a woman is set on a serious relationship, the matchmaker advises to "declassify" even before meeting with a potential groom, especially since technical means again allow you to do this. You can communicate by video link or record a "circle" in messenger - this will help then not to experience disappointment, to avoid an uncomfortable situation.
- But if there is such a situation, you should act according to the circumstances. Both men and women should take a closer look at the character sitting opposite. You're already there anyway. Try to find something interesting and close to you in a person. Perhaps someone at acquaintance will help charisma. Well, if the annoyance of disappointment is great, it makes sense to politely say goodbye and leave, - advises matchmaker.
Feel remorse in such a situation makes no sense, emphasizes Osipova. After all, it was not you who misled a potential partner, and he (or she) put you in an awkward position.
- An important recommendation is to avoid such moments. To start any relationship with deception - a futile endeavor. "Spoons will be found, but the residue will remain," - argues Anna Osipova.
A separate topic for discussion matchmaker calls dating sites. Look through the profiles should be careful, and when the correspondence, then analyze what and how a person writes.
- If it is a daily picture "Good morning" and "Good night", as well as philosophical arguments about the injustice of life, then you are a virtual, which is not relevant meetings in real life. He is lonely, or married, or offended by the entire opposite sex, - warns the matchmaker.
If a person quickly enough offers to exchange phone numbers and meet, Anna Osipova advises to agree. The first meeting is also better to hold online to protect yourself from unnecessary problems and disappointments. Sometimes one conversation via video link is enough to make everything immediately clear. An adult, adequate person with serious intentions and without a double bottom will not be frightened by this, believes the matchmaker. And if he does not agree to such preliminary communication, then it makes sense to think. Such a questionnaire is better to postpone.
People who still use filters for their photos, matchmaker recommends thinking about why they do not like themselves so much, if they do not believe in themselves and do not respect their appearance and individuality. In this case, it is better to solve the problem with the help of specialists - psychologists or psychotherapists.
What to do to be liked
To get acquainted in social networks and messengers, psychiatrist Vilkov advises to present yourself as naturally as possible, informally, take pictures with a friendly smiling look. In a word, so that a person could be immediately sympathized with.
- We react to a smile, to facial expressions - this is the first expression of readiness to communicate and a clear sign of extramural sympathy for the interlocutor," comments Alexey Vilkov.
Beauty and attractiveness - in the natural grooming and open kind look, complements matchmaker.
Sexologist recommends not to get bogged down in correspondence and long discussion of character traits - his and potential partner. This sometimes creates an illusory virtual image. It is better to sooner organize a meeting in person to know exactly with whom you are communicating.
If at first sight a person is not liked at all, then from the point of view of sexology, biology and psychology by and large there is no point in developing a relationship to "get to know the person better". It is futile, emphasizes the sexologist.
- A man is primarily oriented to the visual image. This image provokes the release of hormones - the very "chemistry" in which there is infatuation or falling in love. If it doesn't manifest itself at the first meeting, the "chemistry" will never arise," says Alexei Vilkov.
Appearance comes first and determines the subsequent interest in the chosen one, especially if a man is focused on finding a partner for a close relationship or a second half to create a family, emphasizes sexologist.
How to become happy
Another side effect of retouched photos is the fierce envy or despair of people who take everything at face value. They compare their, as it seems to them, ordinary life with bright pictures on the pages of acquaintances and indulge in gloom.
- However, looking at the profiles of acquaintances and classmates in social networks, one should always remember one thing: the more retouching and fabulousness on the page - the poorer the person's life. It's as if he's screaming about how much he craves love and companionship, obsessively wants his real life to be the same as the photos he retouched," comments Anna Osipova.
Matchmaker emphasizes that happy people do not embellish themselves and do not show a permanent carousel of episodes of their lives. They don't need it - they enjoy quiet happiness and they don't care whether someone sees it, likes it or not. They do not play a made-up life, but live a real one.
The exception is, perhaps, the situation when an Internet user with the help of photos tries to attract the attention of a person he likes and tries to remind him (or her) of himself (or herself). In this case, the advice to be yourself, not to hide behind a mask is as relevant as ever.
Anna Osipova recommends those who like a keyhole watching someone else's life and comparing it with their own, not to go into depression, but to use the situation as a reference point for the fact that you need to change something in yourself. For example, go to a beauty salon or a gym.
