Psychologists have explained the phenomenon of choosing a less attractive partner
Fear of infidelity, low self-esteem, and a desire to avoid competition for a partner's attention can influence the choice of a life partner. Psychologists talked about the phenomenon of "cracking" — a strategy in which a person consciously chooses a less attractive partner, hoping to gain more reliability and emotional security. All the details are in the Izvestia article.
Psychological reasons for choosing
Larisa Taranova, a psychologist at the BENEDICT Clinic, emphasizes that physical attractiveness does not determine a person's loyalty or ability to be a good partner. In her opinion, choosing a less beautiful life partner is often associated with a woman's desire to reduce anxiety in a relationship and make it more predictable. Such a union may be based on the desire for emotional maturity and the absence of the need to compete for the attention of a partner with others.
In addition, if the relationship is based solely on the idea "they won't leave me with this person," then the inner anxiety does not disappear anywhere. It can transform into a constant need for control, jealousy, or mutual checks. The stability of the family system at such moments begins to depend on a hidden deal, where one partner provides status or beauty, and the other — security.
"For one couple, it's really about calmness, emotional maturity, and not having to constantly compete for each other's attention. For another, it's about the desire to reduce anxiety and make relationships more predictable," Taranova said.
The impact of children's scenarios and self-esteem
Psychologist, metacognitive coach, and body therapist Elena Dirinko notes that fears of rejection and betrayal are often behind the conscious search for a less vibrant partner. Women with low self-esteem may unconsciously avoid attractive men, believing that they will have to constantly prove their worth next to them. In such cases, a less expressive partner is perceived as a safer choice, reducing the risk of psychological trauma.
Family scenarios also influence the formation of such preferences. So, if a child grew up in an atmosphere where love had to be earned by comfortable behavior, in adulthood he can choose a partner with whom the risk of being "not good enough" is minimal. Choosing the safest possible companion sometimes serves as a protection against genuine intimacy, which is always associated with high emotional vulnerability.
"If a woman is consciously looking for a less outwardly attractive partner precisely because she considers him more devoted and less prone to cheating, then there may indeed be unconscious fears behind this. Most often it is the fear of rejection, betrayal, emotional betrayal and loneliness," Dirinko said.
Crisis and emotional exhaustion
The perception of a relationship as a transaction becomes a serious signal of problems in the family system. When one spouse begins to feel that he is not appreciated enough, and the other feels constant sacrifice for the sake of preserving the family, mutual claims arise. This leads to emotional cooling and distance between partners, which can persist for years only for the sake of imaginary stability.
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