The psychologist spoke about the impact of conflicts between parents on the child

Family conflicts do not always become a traumatic experience for a child. The decisive factor is not the fact of the quarrel itself, but how parents behave during disagreements and whether they are able to restore relations after a conflict. Tatiana Goldman, a practical psychologist, told Izvestia about this on July 8.

If adults calmly discuss problems, do not resort to insults and demonstrate the ability to negotiate, the child gets an important life experience: conflicts are a normal part of a relationship, and disagreements can be resolved without breaking the bond.

"The perception of parental quarrels depends on the age of the child. Preschoolers often cannot objectively assess the situation and may perceive tension between adults as a threat to their own safety. Children of primary school age already understand the causes of conflicts better, but they often begin to worry about the future of the family. Teenagers are more likely to be able to separate their parents' problems from themselves, but constant tension at home can reduce their sense of trust and emotional stability," the expert explained.

The particular danger is not isolated domestic disputes, but regular conflicts with shouting, mutual accusations, ignoring or emotional detachment. For a child, family is the main source of a sense of security, and if the home atmosphere becomes unpredictable, this can lead to constant stress.

"A child may experience fear, anxiety, and helplessness, especially if they don't understand what's going on between their parents. Young children often perceive family problems through themselves and may think that they have caused a conflict," Goldman said.

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According to the expert, behavioral changes may indicate the impact of family conflicts on a child. Among the alarming signs are sleep problems, increased anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, deterioration of academic performance, unwillingness to go to school or kindergarten. In young children, regression is possible: for example, a return to the stages of behavior that have already been passed. Sometimes stress manifests itself through physical symptoms, such as headaches for no apparent medical reason.

If a child is regularly in an atmosphere of tension, the consequences can be reflected in adulthood. People who have grown up in constant conflict may have difficulty trusting, avoiding any disagreements, or, conversely, considering an aggressive communication model to be the norm. However, as the psychologist emphasizes, such a scenario is not inevitable: much depends on the support that the child receives in the family and the presence of a reliable adult nearby.

After a quarrel, it is important for parents not to pretend that nothing happened. If a child has witnessed a conflict, he needs to regain a sense of security. The explanation should be simple and age-appropriate: adults sometimes argue because they have different opinions, but the child is not to blame for what is happening.

It is not necessary to devote children to the details of family problems or turn them into intermediaries between parents. It is much more important to show that adults are able to cope with disagreements, and the attitude towards the child and love for him remain unchanged.

Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences, author of the books "Parents. On April 1, Tatiana Tsvetkova informed Izvestia that the phrase "violation of the comfort zone" is increasingly heard among teenagers and is often used as a way to express dissatisfaction. According to her, such formulations most often arise against the background of family conflicts, so they should be resolved through a calm and trusting dialogue. At the same time, the expert noted that the widespread approach today, in which a teenager allegedly needs to be allowed almost everything, is erroneous.