Psychologists have explained the mechanisms and risks of "madly in love"
Acute infatuation is manifested by obsessive thoughts, idealization of a partner and emotional dependence, which can last for several years and affect the perception of reality. All the details are in the Izvestia article.
Signs of acute infatuation
Natalia Birina, a doctor of the highest qualification category, a psychiatrist, and a psychotherapist, said that the term "limerence" was introduced to describe a condition that is often called "madly in love." This is not an official clinical diagnosis, however, in ICD-10, the symptoms of limerence may overlap with the criteria for obsessive-compulsive disorder. The condition is characterized by obsessive thoughts, emotional dependence and idealization of the object, which ignores its shortcomings.
The expert calls the narrowing of interests to one person and an increase in tolerance to discomfort clinical markers of limerence. A lover may begin to allow aggression or disrespect on the part of a partner, which he previously considered unacceptable. This state of obsession with another person lasts on average from one and a half to three years.
"The brain in a state of limerence works according to the principle of the addictive model — uncertainty and variable reinforcement only increase dependence," Birina noted.
The effect of dopamine on perception
Candidate of Psychological Sciences, psychologist Stanislav Skorik explained that the "honeymoon" period is an evolutionary mechanism. In the first months, the reward center in the brain is activated, which is why the partner is associated with the absolute good. This leads to the appearance of a "halo effect", when one positive trait of a person is attributed importance, blinding the perception of the personality as a whole.
According to the psychologist, dopamine causes the brain to ignore reality checks in order not to waste energy. To get out of this "trance," Birina recommends using the "witness" technique — a non—evaluative description of the facts of a partner's behavior - and also keeping a diary of contrasts, recording your feelings after communication.
"Natural negative traits are more often manifested in situations of stress, fatigue, financial difficulties, boredom. But destructive traits can manifest themselves when no one is expecting them — when you relax in a relationship and begin to trust your partner, regardless of external circumstances," Skorik said.
Transition to mature love
According to Birina, the relaxation of a partner in a relationship can manifest itself in different ways. If it is expressed in everyday details, it is a sign of a sense of security. However, sudden outbursts of anger and depreciation are decompensation and a sign that a person has stopped restraining destructive impulses. To preserve the union, the psychologist advises to adhere to the 80/20 rule: accept 80% of the partner's basic unchanging traits and work on 20% of behavioral reactions.
Mature love, unlike early euphoria, is not based on dopamine, but on oxytocin, which is responsible for attachment and security. Skorik recommends that even in long-term relationships, strive for novelty by visiting new places and discovering each other's hidden sides. Maturity comes when a person stops demanding happiness from their partner and takes responsibility for their own emotions.
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