Experts explained the reluctance of men to propose marriage
The fear of marriage is often associated not with a lack of feelings for a partner, but with the fear of losing freedom, repeating the mistakes of the past, or one's own inadequacy in a relationship. All the details are in the Izvestia article.
Reasons for fear of marriage
The fear of starting a family does not always mean a lack of feelings for a partner. According to Dmitry Kopp, a business consultant, therapist, and expert on a systematic approach to business and life, this often hides the fear of losing freedom, the risk of making a mistake, or repeating an unsuccessful parental family scenario. If a person grew up in an atmosphere of conflict or divorce, intimacy can be perceived by the psyche as dangerous territory, which leads to sabotage of the relationship through withdrawal to work or domestic nagging.
Another mechanism is the feeling of one's own unworthiness or "impostor syndrome" in a relationship. A man may seem successful, but inside he doubts whether he will be able to meet his partner's expectations. In this case, a marriage proposal is perceived not as a romantic step, but as a test of worth, which is terrible to fail.
Psychological roles in a couple
The dynamics of the relationship is influenced by the distribution of responsibilities and the partners' past experience. Psychologist, Candidate of Psychological Sciences Anton Savitsky notes that if a woman has formed a distrust of men since childhood, she may unconsciously take on all financial and household issues. Such hyperfunction of one partner inevitably leads to hypofunction of the other, depriving him of space for initiative and responsibility.
Ekaterina Boronkina, a practicing psychologist, points out that the position of the "eternal bridegroom" has its secondary benefits. A man gets all the benefits of marriage, but formally remains free, which reduces his anxiety about the irreversibility of the decision. To change the situation, the expert recommends that women not take on the role of a rescuer and gradually return their partner to his functions.
"As long as there is no stamp, you can put off talking about difficult things, not face your fears," Boronkina said.
How to recognize true intentions
It is important to distinguish between conscious unwillingness and infantile unwillingness to commit. Dmitry Yagudin, founder and head of the D.R. Yagudin International Neuroscience University, Doctor of Psychology, emphasizes that the phrase "I'm not ready" implies a specific plan (for example, achieving financial stability) and respect for a woman.
"I don't want to — it often disguises itself as endless sweat. There is no deadline, no validity, no internal work, there is only the preservation of a convenient present," Yagudin explained.
Experts advise to have an honest dialogue about the meaning of the union instead of ultimatums. A sign of temporary difficulties is a man's willingness to discuss his fears and suggest concrete steps to overcome them. If the topic of marriage has been devalued or causes aggression for years, this may indicate a fundamental difference in life goals.
Ways to overcome the crisis
To normalize the situation, experts point to the need for an open discussion of the concerns of each of the partners. It is important to create a safe environment where a man can admit his fears without fear of being judged or pressured by a companion.
The gradual transfer of responsibility for the future together helps the partner to adapt to the new role. When a man sees that marriage does not limit his personality, but becomes a resource for development, the anxiety level decreases, which leads to an informed decision.
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