Rybak Rybaka: Why opposites don't always attract
The answer to the question of why we are attracted to some people and push others away from us becomes obvious thanks to a recent study by Chinese scientists. Experts from China have found that the human brain is easier to synchronize with those who are closer to him in terms of autistic traits. It is also easier for people to find a common language depending on mental health problems. Why mutual attraction arises, what is the phenomenon of double empathy and why it is useful to go beyond the circle of your social circle — in the material of Izvestia.
The well-forgotten old
A study by Chinese scientists published in the journal Biological Psychiatry is widely discussed online. Experts, having measured the activity of people's brains in the process of communication, confirmed that people with a similar level of autistic traits interact best with each other. Scientists call this feature the phenomenon of double empathy. The paper also highlights the truth of other experts' statements on this topic. In particular, experts from the United States proved several years ago that people with mental disorders most often communicate and make friends with those with similar problems.
Russian scientists agree with their foreign colleagues on this issue because they have been working on this topic for a long time, says clinical psychologist Sergey Volkov.
"Chinese researchers have not discovered anything new, but simply brought important clarity to understanding how people build relationships with the world," he points out. — This is a small clarification, but it entails fundamental, even tectonic changes in the understanding of such a complex aspect as "perception", that is, the feeling of the world around.
According to the expert, throughout the history of science, since ancient times, it was believed that a person should choose the right thing, strive for the choice of perfect things. The main idea was the statement that all living things strive for "normal".
— For example, it was believed that the female peacock, even with flaws in the body, still seeks to have offspring from the most healthy (normal) male. It was an unshakable rule on which the whole worldview of people was based," the source reminds the editorial staff.
But by the middle of the 20th century, too much data from various fields of science had accumulated to refute this claim. In particular, thanks to more precise methods in biology, it was found that animals do not prefer the best males or females at all.
— And in physics, the theory of quantum entanglement appeared, which determined that the world consists not of causes, connections and consequences, but of probabilities, sometimes absurd, — continues Volkov. — And here is an example from social life: despite the increased amount of knowledge, people continue to commit the same "wrong" actions. For example, everyone knows that you shouldn't marry an alcoholic, but someone does it anyway.
Thus, Chinese scientists simply explained that this is not some kind of personal deviation of a particular person, but a system of behavior of people as a biological species and part of this world, the expert claims.
"This is a very broad, global issue that affects our attitude to such elections and the possibility of influencing people's choices," the clinical psychologist emphasizes.
Who are you on the autism scale
The researchers claim that people choose friends based on their autism level, but the experiment involved ordinary students, not people with a clinically confirmed diagnosis. However, there are no contradictions here. We are talking about the autism scale, which shows how open or cautious a person is in communication, explains Sergey Volkov.
— There is a number "0" at one end of the autism scale, indicating absolute fusion with all people. Such a person experiences a strong connection with virtually the first person they meet. Of course, this requires psychiatric intervention, because it is not about discomfort, but about complete incapacity, warns the clinical psychologist.
At the opposite end, in absolute terms, there are people who, in the presence of any other person, fall into a stupor or panic: they cannot talk, look at a person, and cannot stand being touched, looked at, or spoken to. And this also requires medical attention, the specialist notes.
And in the middle of the scale, according to him, with varying degrees of remoteness in one direction or another, there are normotypical people. Some of them are more open, some are more secretive, but they are all socially adaptive, build families, work and relax.
— But if you divide the scale into segments, you will see a pattern that people are more likely to choose people from "their" segment as friends or partners. For a long time, this phenomenon has caused controversy and discussion. Now the issue has been resolved. Two people who prefer a quiet rest, a slow pace and the absence of unnecessary conversations are more likely to find a common language with each other than with an active party-goer. At the everyday level, this seems obvious, but it has only now become scientifically proven," the expert points out.
Anna Guseva, a practicing psychologist, agrees that people can really show interest in each other based on similar problems or behavioral patterns.
— If we are talking about the fact that people are attracted to each other from the perspective of certain psychological problems, then it can be noted that even in this case we are talking about the simplest skills of friendship and interaction typical of the majority, — explains the interlocutor of Izvestia.
First of all, general priorities and specifics play a role, she emphasizes. And people with mental disorders also, in a sense, unite according to their interests. For example, the international movement "Hearing Voices" has brought patients closer to hallucinations. However, psychiatrists are skeptical of such a community, since its members are trying to prove that the "voices" have nothing to do with diagnoses.
People with magical thinking also find each other — in the company of like-minded people, you can discuss alien visits or prophetic dreams without hesitation and fear of being misunderstood, just as it is more comfortable for a typical person to interact with those who have similar hobbies (in music, cinema or sports). And in any kind of activity, there are professional jokes that are more understandable to people of the same specialty.
— We can see many specific processes in each profession that influence rapprochement. And we can also talk about mental disorders," the expert comments.
The place of birth, cultural characteristics and, of course, life experience are also important in bringing people closer to each other. Anna Guseva emphasizes that people who have gone through similar trials or joys often show deep understanding, even if they are meeting for the first time.
— When we feel ease in communication, it seems as if our brain is synchronized — it works in a similar rhythm, and that's great, — says the psychologist. — But if communication is difficult, it does not necessarily mean that one of us is wrong — we just speak different neurocognitive languages.
The amygdala plays an important role in communication. Although this is not a scientific term, experts warn. This is how people's ability to establish contact based on instant sympathy is called in everyday language. The amygdala was coined based on the term "amygdala". This brain structure is responsible, in particular, for emotions and sensations. The amygdala is shaped like an almond. It happens that someone annoys us even if we see them for the first time, and sometimes people are attracted to us from the first minute. This is how the amygdala comes into play.
"This is not a mystery, but an understandable neurobiological process that makes our social life richer and more interesting," Guseva believes.
What is the concept of dual empathy?
In the case of the new study, there is another important point. According to Sergey Volkov, Chinese scientists have, in fact, re-voiced and proved the concept of dual empathy, which was proposed in 2012 by British sociologist and social psychologist, specialist in autism research Damian Milton. He suggested that difficulties in communication and understanding arise on both sides of an autistic and neurotypical person, and not just the former.
— Before that, for a long time it was believed that the problem comes only from a person with autism, they say, it is his deficiency and his difficulties. But Milton pointed out that neurotypical people also experience discomfort when communicating with autistic people, and was the first to notice that autistic people understand each other better, and neurotypical people are three times more likely than autistic people to form a negative first impression without any reason (they just didn't like it), explains the clinical psychologist..
And the fact that difficulties arise on both sides means that this is no longer a question of correcting and treating autism, but a problem of social skills and adaptations of all people. This fundamentally changes the entire system of psychological and psychiatric care.
Anna Guseva also emphasizes that the theory of dual empathy explains the difficulties in communication between autistic and neurotypical people: they perceive the world differently, and this complicates mutual understanding so much that it is not easy for them to even read each other's emotions.
— But this does not mean that we should be friends only with different groups of people, — the expert emphasizes. — We should try to build "bridges". The importance of interacting with those who are incomprehensible or annoying to us is seen as a path of development. Such interaction helps to broaden horizons and overcome stereotypes.
At the same time, the well-known expression "a fisherman sees a fisherman from afar" does not at all refute the claim that opposites converge. In reality, it's not that simple. According to the psychologist, studies of friendship dynamics confirm the influence of similarity and a wide range of characteristics on the formation of mostly short-term relationships rather than long-term ones. Yes, we intuitively look for those with whom it is easy for us, but such communication can end quickly. For example, people met, became attracted to each other, got married, and then realized that they were completely different. Meanwhile, interacting with a person who is a little incomprehensible to us can lead to the fact that he opens up some time after communication. In this case, it is important to what extent we ourselves are capable of communicating with such people, sums up Guseva.
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