Experts have explained the causes of the "good girl" syndrome in adults
The desire to be comfortable is formed in childhood due to the fear of losing love, which leads to burnout in adulthood. Experts have revealed the causes of the syndrome. All the details are in the Izvestia article.
Causes of the syndrome formation
The "good girl" syndrome begins at an early age, when a child is noticed only when meeting the requirements of adults. As noted by clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist Ilyana Kopylova, the connection between success and parental love is consolidated in the child. The example of a mother who tries to please older relatives is also influenced.
According to experts, obedience and accuracy are often based on the fear of making mistakes or losing approval. This applies not only to girls, but also to highly sensitive boys. Maria Todorova, a correctional teacher, child and family psychologist, consultant on child development and education, emphasized that personality suppression begins at the moment when a child ceases to understand his own desires, striving to meet other people's expectations.
"One child becomes an excellent student because he has learned to understand the system, see its rules, and navigate it. The other one is because he lives in constant fear of making mistakes and tries to earn safety through an ideal result," Todorova said.
Consequences of the syndrome in adulthood
In adulthood, the habit of pleasing transforms into perfectionism and the need for constant external confirmation of one's own worth. According to Kopylova, a woman begins to control all spheres of life, and perceives any mistake as personal guilt. This leads to a situation where other people's needs are systematically placed above their own.
The lack of one's own identity and constant hard work for the sake of praise inevitably lead to emotional burnout. When trying to change a behavior model and choose oneself, a person often faces intense shame and inner voices of critical parents.
"He spends his strength, energy, and attention. Hence the logical outcome: "I do, I do, I do, but they don't appreciate me," Kopylova explained.
How to overcome the syndrome
The school system can reinforce a model of comfortable behavior by encouraging children to be problem-free. Experts point out that healthy development involves understanding the system and achieving success in it, but without slavishly obeying the rules. It is important to learn not only to follow instructions, but also to show individuality.
Gaining resilience requires serious work on oneself and the formation of a healthy ego. According to experts, only after working through feelings of guilt does a person become independent of the opinions of others and gain the ability to defend personal boundaries.
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