The psychologist explained the reasons for returning to a painful relationship

People often return to relationships in which they felt bad, not because of a desire to suffer, but because of habitual emotional scenarios. Liya Shagabutdinova, a psychologist and founder of the Profi Psy Team, told Izvestia about this on April 29.

"For the psyche, familiar experiences are often perceived as safe, even if they are associated with pain. If a person grew up in an atmosphere of anxiety, criticism, or instability, then in adulthood, calm and stable relationships may seem unusual and even cause internal discomfort. At the same time, emotional swings and tension are perceived as a "familiar" pattern of behavior, which forms attachment," the expert explained.

She noted that it is often not about attachment to a particular person, but about returning to a familiar emotional state — where there is anxiety, uncertainty and pain, but at the same time there is a sense of an understandable scenario.

Another reason may be an attempt to unconsciously "replay" the childhood experience. If a person lacked acceptance and stability in childhood, an attitude is formed about the need to earn love. In adulthood, a partner becomes a figure through which a person tries to compensate for this deficit — to prove their worth and gain approval.

According to the psychologist, parting in such cases is perceived not only as a breakup of a relationship, but also as a loss of hope that "everything will work out this time." Therefore, the return is often associated not with the partner himself, but with an attempt to regain this hope.

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Shagabutdinova also drew attention to the influence of cultural stereotypes. In popular culture, love is often associated with drama, jealousy, and emotional turmoil, while calm and stable intimacy is often perceived as "boring." This creates a distorted view of the norm in a relationship.

In practice, the expert emphasized, strong "emotional swings" are often associated not with love, but with the mechanism of dependence, where periods of cold and attention alternate. Such instability strengthens attachment and keeps a person in a relationship.

"The fear of loneliness remains a separate factor. For many people, the thought of being without a partner is harder than continuing a painful relationship, as even a conflicted relationship creates a sense of another person's presence nearby. Financial dependence can also play an important role when the decision to break up is related not only to emotions, but also to financial stability," said the psychologist.

In February, Anastasia Cardiakos, a family psychologist and psychotherapist, told why single people are afraid of never meeting love and what to do about it. She noted that one of the main reasons for the belief "I won't meet anyone" is related to self-esteem. If a person feels unworthy, they automatically underestimate their chances of happiness.