Tili-tili-dough: do we need children's weddings in Russia
Another rehearsal for adulthood, a make-believe wedding, was added to the mother—daughter game. Such ceremonies are held, in particular, in the Saratov Wedding Palace, when children and teenagers come there on excursions. In fact, this is just a beautiful event, during which minors try on the roles of brides and grooms. Izvestia has found out the pros and cons of a new children's role—playing game, entertainment in which children take on the social functions of adults.
The family model
Information about "toy" weddings, which have recently been held in the Saratov Wedding Palace, has caused widespread discussion on the Internet. The organizers of romantic events themselves consider such ceremonies to be an excellent tool for shaping traditional family values. Critics of the celebration rehearsal believe that adults themselves played a little too much in this case, and defenders do not see anything unusual and reprehensible in symbolic weddings. Such ceremonies echo other family and household games, such as mother-daughter games, guests, school, shopping, or family vacations.
Such a wedding is a continuation of role—playing games, only for grown-up children, says psychologist Yuri Kudryavtsev, who supported this idea.
— The beauty is that you can replay the scenario of the beginning of future family relationships in advance, gain experience through such a game. The positive aspects of "toy" weddings are that if such an event is cheerfully and fervently organized, then a positive image of marriage and future family relations is formed, the expert draws attention.
Candidate of Psychological Sciences Alina Koroleva also considers the marriage game to be a great idea. This approach helps not only to try on the roles of newlyweds, but also to create a positive impression of the ceremony. Positive impressions related to the wedding and family life will remain in the subconscious of children, and good memories will be fixed. All role-playing games in the context of a family model family life.
— Family values, like any other, should be instilled from childhood through play activities, then the same value foundation is formed, — says Kudryavtsev.
A happy family
An important point that psychologists attach importance to is the correct attitude of parents to the "rehearsals" of the wedding. Negative statements and devaluation of such a wedding can form a skeptical attitude towards the real one. Especially if adults themselves cannot boast of good relationships in their social unit.
— Happy parents are the best propaganda of family values. It is important that children see the experience of their parents' happiness," emphasizes Alina Koroleva. — A family is a team that runs a common household, relaxes and has fun, overcomes difficulties and supports each other. When a child sees such interaction and mutual understanding, he has a desire to create the same family.
Children absorb the scenario of a relationship between a man and a woman through simple observation, confirms Yuri Kudryavtsev. Therefore, parents should broadcast a positive and harmonious relationship, and not swear endlessly and devalue each other.
— Of course, your own example is important, as children completely adopt the behavior of their parents, — the psychologist continues. — If parents live in conditional harmony and mutual respect, then the child will develop an appropriate behavior model, and vice versa.
Conflicts, mutual humiliation and discontent, aggression, as well as the dependence of one or both parents do not encourage dreams of family life. Another advantage of such weddings is that they will still help to remove fears, misunderstandings and prejudices if they were broadcast by parents or other adults.
Life is like a fairy tale
Many fairy tales end with a wedding and the phrase "they lived happily ever after." If great personal happiness is usually indicated in literature and folk art only by a hint of a happy future, then there are enough negative examples of what happens after a wedding. In particular, not the most pleasant examples of family life can be found in Pushkin's works. In "The Tale of Tsar Saltan," for example, the queen was slandered in front of her husband and thrown into the sea with the baby; they had to go through serious trials before the family was reunited. And in The Tale of the Fisherman and the Fish, living together is not about happiness, but about the wife's claims, her husband's submission, and a broken trough as a symbol of routine and discontent. But Yuri Kudryavtsev believes that such works can rather have a positive effect on future spouses.
— The fact is that these fairy tales show a kind of negative example that can happen in real life. To put it simply, they show that "this is not the way to do it, because...", but "this is the way it is possible." These are stories from the series "good" and "bad," he explains. — Even a negative and joyless context can convey an abstract experience that is useful in real life.
Alina Koroleva considers a negative example from fairy tales to be less painful than a personal dramatic experience in the parental family. But the fact that a happy life after marriage is practically not shown, although it is hinted at, is understandable.
— From the point of view of storytelling, happiness is boring and unsuitable for an interesting plot. In a fairy tale, as in other works, conflict and the hero's path are important, but in a happy relationship there is neither one nor the other. But there is a calm, measured life, which is undoubtedly interesting and dear to those who participate in it," explains the psychologist.
At the same time, any fairy tale is a message to descendants, in which previous generations share wisdom and experience with them, Kudryavtsev emphasizes.
"The understatement itself makes the brain think and think on its own — this is how logical thinking develops," the expert points out. — One of the main tasks of education is to teach one to be independent and able to independently build a cause—and-effect relationship, to adequately assess the consequences of one's own or others' actions.
Age of consent
Minors are not forbidden to play a wedding, but experts do not advise everyone to rush into a real marriage. According to the Family Code of the Russian Federation, the lower limit of the marriageable age is 18 years. In the regions, authorities can reduce this threshold if there are good reasons. Some politicians have put forward the idea of lowering the age of marriage to 16, but society is more skeptical about this. Marriage is not just a beautiful picture in a wedding album and living together with fun leisure, but also partnerships with everyday difficulties and independent living.
— Some people are not ready for a joint relationship even at the age of 40, — says Yuri Kudryavtsev. — But in principle, if you pay adequate attention to the upbringing of family values in childhood and set your own positive example, then in adolescence you can develop a willingness for adult relationships and marriage with all the consequences, including everyday life.
Experts still believe that the propagandists of early marriage take into account mainly the beginning of sexual development. In general, a teenager becomes a physiologically mature person, but this is not enough to walk down the aisle.
— Physically, children at the age of 16 are quite mature, but mentally and emotionally they are not yet, — explains Alina Koroleva. — Moreover, now there is a general trend towards the long-term preservation of infantilism.
The candidate of Psychological Sciences emphasizes that it is optimal to create a family when parents gradually transfer responsibility to the child from early childhood, starting from the elements of self-service and household management, etc. This requires time and awareness.
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