The psychologist explained the difficulties in getting out of an unhealthy relationship

Psychologist, psychotherapist Olga Avanesyan told why people cannot get out of sick relationships and attract them.

In an interview with Radio 1 on Thursday, December 4, the expert explained that people choose only those who are already "registered" in their psyche. The psychologist explained that people are often attracted to familiar emotional patterns: if coldness, devaluation, or control were present in childhood, then in adulthood similar partners can be perceived as "their own," even if the relationship is painful. This is not due to mature love, but to the action of unconscious defenses and projections, when the psyche seems to be trying to re-enact a familiar scenario.

She noted that trauma tends to repeat itself in order to finally be noticed and completed, so a person finds himself in the same type of relationship over and over again — victim and aggressor, rescuer and dependent, cold partner and someone who is desperately looking for warmth.

According to the expert, while this internal mechanics is not realized, it seems to a person that he is making "random" choices or facing "karma," although in fact they are controlled by the traumatized part of the personality. Mindfulness brings back freedom: when a person learns to notice their projections and distinguish the real qualities of a partner from images from the past, it becomes possible to get out of the circle of repetitions. Then the criteria of intimacy also change — instead of the usual pain, a person begins to choose relationships based on respect, security and lively human contact.

On November 28, psychologist Valentin Alimov said that most Russians who are getting divorced do not hear each other and do not cope with their internal problems, which makes it difficult for them to build long and stable relationships. He attributed low psychological maturity and low cognitive communication to the main reasons for divorces, writes NSN.

On November 20, psychologist Yulia Vinokurova told how to break the vicious circle of unhealthy relationships. According to her, the expectation that a partner will "make life brighter," in her words, leads only to disappointment — you need to look for the source of happiness in yourself.

On November 14, psychologist Elena Solovyova expressed the opinion that one should not be interested in a partner's previous relationship. According to her, information about a partner's past relationships affects current relationships and this cannot be "dismissed" or forgotten, writes RT.

In March, psychologist Maya Golubeva revealed the essence of the term "breadcrumbling," which refers to an unhealthy pattern of behavior in online dating. According to her, this concept comes from the English expression "bread crumbs" and describes a situation when a partner demonstrates minimal interest, only creating the appearance of a relationship. 360.ru .

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