Psychologist warned about the consequences of parental workaholism

A person who is completely immersed in work puts work and success first in his life. And family, children, and emotional relationships come last in his value system. On October 2, Izvestia was told about the consequences of parental workaholism for children by a business psychologist, strategic management consultant, and development director of OOO "Together.About " Alexander Berezhnoy.

"When a parent is mentally at work, even physically being around, he is emotionally unavailable. For the child's psyche, this is equivalent to a statement: "You're not important to me." The child is left alone with his feelings, without feeling support and acceptance from the parent, the most important person for him. This creates a deep sense of "inadequacy" and a basic distrust of the world," the expert said.

The state of rejection and abandonment results in chronic anxiety, low self-esteem, behavioral problems, and the formation of a distorted parent-child model.

Faced with the fact that a parent chooses a job over a child, his psyche tries to adapt and forms a protective compensation mechanism, creating scenarios for the future. This is how a child tries to cope with a lack of attention and love.

"The first scenario is when a child becomes stronger internally. He grows up quickly, taking on the role of a "parent" for younger siblings, taking care of family life. This develops hyperresponsibility, functionality and rationality become more important than emotions, and the value of external evaluation is formed. The main criterion for achievement is approval from other people," the psychologist explained.

The second scenario is possible, in which the child becomes internally weak, blaming the parents for the lack of attention. This path leads to the formation of a "victim" position. Growing up, a person lives with a sense of resentment and injustice, explaining all their failures by a lack of parental attention in the past. This creates passivity, the inability to take responsibility for one's life, which results in depressive states or dependent states, with unconscious demands for a partner to give the same love that was not received in childhood.

"The most common (third) scenario is the family relationship repetition model. The child, seeing that the parent is running away from himself and his family to work, learns this model as the only true one. The problem is inherited, giving rise to a new round of lack of emotional intimacy in the next generation. The consequence of such a scenario is that the child does not realize his own potential in the relationship," Berezhnoy warned.

The first important step towards restoring the emotional parent-child bond is the parent's conscious choice to put the child in one of the first places in the priority system. The next practical steps in revising the value system are: ask yourself an honest question: "Is work a necessity or a way of escape for me?", then identify the "untouchable" time for the family when work gadgets are turned off.

Even 30 minutes of full-fledged communication is more valuable than a whole day of illusory presence. The quality of communication takes precedence over quantity — it is important to learn how to be "here and now" when communicating with a child, to show sincere interest in his feelings and needs. Redistribute workloads to free up resources not for a new job, but for relaxation and socializing with family. If you can't break out of the workaholism cycle on your own, you should contact a psychologist to study the underlying causes of this behavior.

"A child's true strength is born from a sense of security and unconditional parental love. Investing in the emotional well—being of a child is a contribution that cannot be compensated by any career achievements," the specialist concluded.

With your bowler hat: who cares about the mental health of Russians

Against the background of the growing number of applications, the country is developing assistance within the framework of compulsory medical insurance

A day earlier, Berezhnoy spoke about the consequences of busy parent syndrome. This is a phenomenon in which a child is constantly confronted with the feeling that a parent does not have time for him. You can find the specific source of the problem by asking yourself several questions, such as: "What place does the child occupy in my life?", "Is communication with him a real value?", "What prevents you from building a trusting relationship and a sincere dialogue with him?".

September 27, practicing psychologist, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, CEO of OOO "Together.Olesya Berezhnaya told Izvestia that absenteeism is always a signal of a child's internal problems, and not just a whim. Parents often perceive such actions as a challenge or disobedience, which leads to punishment and confrontation. However, this approach ignores the true reason for what is happening.

All important news is on the Izvestia channel in the MAX messenger.