Temporary measure: is it possible to get used to age-related changes
People aged 30+ sometimes painfully perceive external age-related changes. In the prime of life, it is difficult to accept the first signs of hair loss, changes in body shape, and the appearance of facial wrinkles. Is it possible to be philosophical about aging, why beauties suffer from the inexorable time no less than ugly ones, and whether it is true that loving spouses do not notice undesirable changes in their partner's appearance — in the Izvestia article.
The Eternal Youth of Vladimir Zeldin
Sometimes the first signs of wilting are perceived as a stroke of fate. A balding Muscovite could not calmly come to terms with the inexorable passage of time, writes Shot. He went to a hair transplant clinic, and when he found out the prices for hair restoration services, he angrily threw a smoke bomb into the toilet of the medical facility. Such an emotional reaction was associated with painful feelings about appearance and the inability to change something in oneself immediately.
Young people who notice the first signs of aging should recognize that nature will do its job, and their body will change with age, says Alina Koroleva, Candidate of Psychological Sciences. At a certain stage, from the expert's point of view, it is better to change the focus of your attention, to look deeper into what attraction is actually formed from. These factors affect both the inner sense of self and the perception from the outside. When a person is flexible in communication, treats himself well, radiates happiness and energy, neither he nor others focus on his appearance, accept him for who he is.
— I remember watching a play with Vladimir Zeldin when he was already 95 years old. The actor was led onto the stage by his young partners, and it was obvious how difficult it was for the actor," says Alina Koroleva. — But when Zeldin started playing, he overshadowed all the young partners on stage with his energy and attracted all the attention to himself.
People's Artist of the USSR Vladimir Zeldin at the jubilee evening "100, or Dancing with Time", dedicated to his 100th birthday, 2015
You can age beautifully, the expert believes. Moreover, according to the psychologist, people who do not resort to surgical methods of preserving youth remain beautiful. Sometimes they outshine peers who have splurged on aesthetic medicine.
— There are plenty of such examples, it is only necessary to direct your attention in this direction, — the expert believes. — The same Elina Bystritskaya remained a beauty even at a very advanced age. Alternatively, you can look at people who have "lost their face" due to the desire to preserve their youth.
And here we are not even talking about successful or unsuccessful operations, the expert explains. After surgery, natural facial expressions often change or are lost, facial features transform, and a person loses their charm and zest.
— Botox, for example, makes the forehead immobile. This causes a feeling that a person is wearing a mask, and this, through the sensory system of other people, is associated with the dead, generating horror," comments clinical psychologist and body therapist Sergey Volkov. — Of course, consciousness does not allow direct reactions, but sometimes you want to leave such people, you lose interest in them.
A clinical psychologist does not advise focusing on external factors, considering this approach to be a very infantile position.
Age-related crises
Every five years, every person has so-called personality crises, says psychiatrist and sexologist Alexei Vilkov. They are associated, among other things, with the moments of changing appearance and the first signs of aging.
— These crises are a normal, natural process, but in 30-35-40 they are experienced more painfully. And it is especially difficult for people when they reach the age of 45-50 years. That's when the biggest crisis occurs," warns Alexey Vilkov.
There are no special techniques for overcoming this period, the psychiatrist believes. Such a crisis usually passes without much suffering and leaves no consequences. A person experiences age-related changes for no more than two weeks, and then he gradually comes to accept himself, his appearance, and his changes. And he lives on, overcoming this natural crisis normally, that is, independently and without complications. It is possible to experience it less painfully if you focus on existing achievements, think about what a person has already achieved in terms of profession, work, family, hobbies. According to Alexey Vilkov, it is important to see and realize the meaning of your life and formulate new goals for the next five years.
— Normally, almost every person with a healthy mind feels young and secretly or not secretly dreams of always being young in mind and body, — Alexey Vilkov continues. — Therefore, worries about appearance are partly the norm.
The main thing is not to fixate on age—related changes, so that the longing for a bygone youth does not become, as psychiatrists say, an overpriced idea.
Slow down aging
Everyone is very worried about their fading appearance, and so are the beauties, Alexey Vilkov emphasizes. They may even have a harder time because it's a signal to them that they're not as perfect as they used to be.
— In anxious people who are prone to constant anxiety, depressive experiences increase when they see that their appearance is changing even more for the worse, — says the psychiatrist. — This further increases their anxiety level.
Given the fact that the health and beauty industry is currently actively developing, it is not difficult to adjust or correct age-related changes at a certain stage.
— There would be a desire, motivation and opportunities, — the expert comments. — In the modern world, it is much easier to change yourself for the better and slow down aging than it was 20-30 years ago.
And so that dreary experiences do not "eat up" a person, the psychiatrist again advises to focus on the positive achievements of his life period, to use the usual techniques to reduce anxiety (breathing practices, physical activity, meditation). It is important to appreciate the ordinary pleasant moments of every day — those pleasant little things that make up the feeling of happiness.
— A person who is psychologically healthy, psychologically stable and prosperous knows how to accept his age and the changes that accompany it and at the same time stay in a good mood. He will be happy regardless of the weight of the years he has lived and thoughts about how he looks and how his age transformations are proceeding," says the psychiatrist.
A healthy and mature person knows how to adapt to his age, accept any changes, take care of himself and his health, the expert summarizes.
The first wrinkles
It turns out that spouses who have been living together for years hardly notice how their partner is aging, just as a child is gradually maturing under the wing of their parents.
— When people live together for a long time and they have formed a high-quality emotionally close relationship, they may not notice the age-related changes in their partner and not react to them. Because the emotional component of these relationships remains the same," says Alina Koroleva.
The expert emphasizes that when changes occur gradually, actually before our eyes, they are really difficult to notice. But in the absence of emotional intimacy, the partner may be critical and pay increased attention to any shortcomings, including age-related changes.
According to the psychologist, there is another option in which people do not notice the signs of aging of a loved one — this is complete indifference to him.
Anxiety about appearance in adulthood occurs primarily among people who have not had time to start a family or are divorced. Women "on the lookout" often complain that some men tend not to notice their flaws, but when they get to know each other, they do not forgive the ladies for extra pounds and the first wrinkles under their eyes.
"This is how men with low self—esteem and the inability to establish emotionally intimate relationships behave," says Alina Koroleva. — Or those who are looking for a beautiful status woman, which will be an advantage for them.
In other words, this happens when a man treats a woman as an object of pride, and not for the sake of a relationship as such, the psychologist emphasizes. With such a person, even a partner with an ideal appearance will have a difficult time.
How to live then
If the destructive changes of time are already being felt, and the person has not achieved anything special in life, the psychologist advises at this moment to reconsider their approaches to life.
—And if earlier some issues were postponed for later, now is the time to deal with them," the expert comments. — The slogan of this period is "If not now, then when."
At the same time, the psychologist advises to give up exorbitant goals, to which a person obviously will not come. Such goals are highly demotivating and do not allow you to act in the zone of possibility.
— During a certain period of life, there is a real decrease in vital energy, which also affects feelings. But this process can be controlled if you find something that gives you a feeling of happiness," summarizes the candidate of psychological Sciences.
Alina Koroleva once again emphasizes that it is better to accept the inevitability of changes. But this does not mean that you should ignore your appearance. It is necessary to look at which moments really have the opportunity to influence, while preserving their youth and health.
— Accepting yourself by any means is not about health. Accepting yourself in a healthy way is still a broader concept than accepting your 200 kg of weight," continues Alina Koroleva. — It means recognizing what is harmful and what is good for your body.
Such acceptance consists in stating facts about oneself without self-criticism and self-deprecation. It's as if a person is building a foundation for high-quality self-care, the psychologist emphasizes.
— Already, many young people after the age of 30 are actively involved in sports, prefer a healthy diet just in order to maintain their activity and vigor for a long time, — says Koroleva.
This approach is considered constructive because people perceive an active person in a good mood to be young. The psychologist considers interest in everything new to be another sign of youth.
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