The psychologist told about the reasons for the breakdown of loved ones after a hard day

People can often snap at loved ones after a hard day who are not to blame for this. On April 22, he told the newspaper about the reason for this.Ru" psychologist Stanislav Sambursky.

"This is a mechanism of substituted aggression. When our brain, as if "following the path of least resistance," directs emotions not to where the real source of stress was, but to where it is safer to vent. It's not about weakness. It's about learned reactions," he explained.

Sambursky cited the example of a study by scientists on rats, which explained human reactions. As part of the experiment, the rats were electrocuted, after which they bit their neighbors in the cage, rather than scientists and wires. They did this because they couldn't give up on the source of the pain. Another group of rats completed the task and received a reward for it. When they were not rewarded after the task, they also started biting their neighbors. According to the psychologist, this is how substituted aggression works, and due to the fact that a person is also a social being, if you don't track where the anger came from, you can start "biting" your loved ones. The psychologist also cited a similar case from practice.

"Anna, 38 years old, works for a large company. He holds a good position, but the boss is a man with a sharp tongue and a heavy temper. After a particularly stressful day, when the report was "blown to smithereens," Anna came home and yelled at her husband. He was confused, and then answered rudely. The result was a quarrel, resentment, and we went to dinner one at a time. In the office, she cried, "I don't understand why I'm so angry. I love him." We began to sort it out. It turned out that the anger was not at her husband, but at the humiliation she felt during the day. But a husband is closer and safer. He won't fire you. He won't shout back. He'll just be offended. Understanding this was the beginning of a big process. Anna has learned to catch her irritation before it comes out. She began to "decompress" herself in front of the house. And it became quiet at home," the psychologist said.

Sambursky emphasized that a cup out of place is almost never the real cause of aggression. It is often followed by a whole day of unbearable stress, resentment, and a feeling that "I don't have the strength to be good." Introspection helps in this, which does not require meditation in the lotus position. It can be a short internal dialogue: why am I annoyed right now? What really upset me? What would I like to do with this emotion— but in a safe way?

The psychologist also gave recommendations on how to deal with breakdowns. To do this, you need to sit in the car or on a bench for 20 minutes or get off one stop earlier before coming home. You can also create a switching ritual using a cup of tea, relaxing music, or a TV series on your phone.

"Agree on "periods of silence." For example, "I need 20 minutes of silence after work." This is the border. And that's fair. It's better to leave for 20 minutes than to break down later. And arrange a "no commitment day" for yourself. Especially if you are a woman. The house, the children, the job, the expectations of society — all this adds up to a lump. Allow yourself one day when you don't owe anyone anything. It's not a whim. This is the prevention of emotional burnout," the expert emphasized.

According to him, the main thing is to understand that we are not angry, but just tired, but we can be different. It is important to remember that a breakdown is a signal that the body is overloaded. You need to learn to hear it not while screaming, but earlier, then you will have the opportunity not to "bite" your loved ones, but on the contrary — to stand next to someone who knows how to be warm, even when it is difficult.

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Psychosomatologist Ekaterina Tur said on April 18 that stress can cause various physical illnesses. You just have to sit a little bit, worry more than usual, and your head starts to hurt, suddenly you get a runny nose, a cold, and a stomach cramp. She also added that it is always important to live through any emotions in order to "feel at home inside yourself."