Before the first blood: Why girls are losing their femininity
Teenage girls' fights are periodically included in criminal reports and on the pages of newspapers. Internet users wonder why schoolgirls are becoming on a par with hooligan boys and even surpass them in aggressiveness. How teenage cruelty is formed, what girls are turning into patsanok and whether they will be able to return femininity with age - in the material "Izvestia".
Why become cruel
A high-profile case involving the aggression of teenage girls, widely discussed the whole country. Fifteen-year-old schoolgirls all together brutally beat a 14-year-old student in the toilet. State authorities will give a legal assessment of the actions of hooligans and inaction of teachers who did not see fit to stand up for the victim. Teenage girls choose a more masculine type of behavior when, as they grow up, they encounter situations that hurt their tender feminine being, demonstrating that the world can be cruel to them, says Alina Koroleva, candidate of psychological sciences. They suddenly discover that cruel and unreliable can be the closest people who just have to provide this security.
- This happens when parents abuse alcohol and illegal substances, and they can not be relied on by the child at all. Adults can be very affectionate and loving in moments of sobriety and completely inadequate, dangerous, cruel when they use alcohol and drugs," says Alina Koroleva.
According to the psychologist, femininity is threatened if the father leaves the relationship before the birth of his daughter or at an early age, and the mother emotionally can not cope with herself and the responsibility that has fallen. In this case, the abandoned woman shows psychological violence towards the child or, being emotionally unstable, reacts unpredictably to the girl's behavior.
- When the father shows not strength, but autocratic, tyrannizes the daughter, the girls do not see adequate masculine protection from the father. And then they grow their masculine part of personality to defend themselves independently. But in this case they become not strong, but tough. And inside they remain the same tender girls, but hide this tenderness under a thick layer of protection, - continues Alina Koroleva.
Family and society
Psychiatrist, sexologist Alexei Vilkov confirms that a person' s personality is primarily influenced by the peculiarities of upbringing. First in early childhood, and then in adolescence, the main role is given to the relationship with parents.
- Teenagers often identify with the image of dad or mom, imitate him and try in every way to match this image. In a word, they try on themselves the peculiarities of their parents' behavior, copying them," Vilkov says.
Then the influence of the social environment and external factors is involved in the formation of personality. This is especially important in the period when puberty begins. What a girl will grow up to be - feminine or rude - largely depends on her environment.
From the psychiatrist's point of view, teenagers are very much influenced not only by their peers, but also by mass culture, the Internet and the media. Under this influence and form a certain external and internal image, attitude to themselves, image and fashion, which girls follow. In each period of time, these stereotypes are different, but they form the features of social expression of personality and sexuality.
Failure in the program
If tenderness, mutual understanding, peace, harmony and harmony reign in the family, then children, copying this scenario, transfer it to themselves and their behavior. Teenagers subconsciously form the role shown to them by their parents. But sometimes, according to the psychiatrist, they oppose the parental script, create their own anti-script as a form of protest and self-expression. In this case, children try to be the opposite of their parents in behavior - in sexuality, in communication, in the way they dress.
- Sometimes such a challenge to family values is temporary, especially during the period of hypersexuality, when sex hormones are at their limit, when the personality is being formed and character traits are most acute. This special period lasts from 17 to 21 years of age and sometimes even up to 23 years of age," says Alexey Vilkov.
In this regard, the psychiatrist reminds about the existence of such a concept as adolescent maximalism, when boys and girls consider themselves independent and try to prove it to everyone. For example, they set unrealistic goals for themselves and try to show themselves to the maximum in everything.
Patsanka
Aggressive and overly active behavior of girls is also based on certain stereotypes, emphasizes the psychiatrist. Emphasis is placed on the fact that women should be independent, independent, in no way inferior to men.
- The image of such a girl is formed, and in a more radical expression - patsanka, in which male traits come to the fore. This is done consciously or as an imitation of someone. And sometimes undesirable traits are copied unconsciously, again, in accordance with certain stereotypes in the environment in which adolescents develop, " explains the psychiatrist.
The recent incident in Vidny, Moscow Region, when girls attacked a young woman with her underage brother in a crowd, the psychiatrist does not connect it with gender and age.
- In this case, psychopathic traits are manifested: aggressiveness, irritability, emotional instability, excitability. And this is characteristic of both men and women, and adolescents both male and female. Psychopathic traits are exacerbated under the influence of alcohol and psychoactive substances that negatively affect the brain, disinhibit instincts and cause increased aggression - comments psychiatrist.
How to bring up femininity
For a harmonious upbringing, the psychiatrist advises parents themselves to show their children a worthy example in communication with loved ones. They need flexibility and diplomacy, not aggression and emotional pressure.
- It is also important that the upbringing was harmonious. Do not stick to one pole - permissiveness or hyperopedics with hedgehog mittens. It is important to be in the middle, where there are clear, defined rules combined with compromise, flexibility, loyalty and other necessary points,- comments Alexei Vilkov.
According to the psychologist, adequate conditions in the parental family are necessary for the formation of a feminine girl.
- There should be a happy relationship between the parents. The girl sees that the father protects his women, does not let anyone offend them, and especially does not offend himself. His emotional problems he solves male ways, such as through sports, but not through the breakdown on his "girls". Mom next to such a man feels safe, emotionally comfortable and can take care of her daughter in a feminine way, - says Alina Koroleva.
If the father provides reliable protection for the family, and the mother makes the house cozy, engaged in creativity and their feminine activities, in such an atmosphere, the girl does not need to build a protective shell. She can quietly develop her feminine nature, summarizes psychologist Koroleva.
Is it possible to change the character
Parents of troubled teenagers wonder whether angular, aggressive schoolgirls can eventually become feminine and romantic to find a life partner. Matchmaker Anna Osipova is optimistic about this problem, but adults will need patience not to pressure their daughters. Adolescence is one of the most difficult in human life, when a child is no longer a child, but not yet an adult, when the caterpillar has not yet become a butterfly, says the expert.
- It is precisely during this period that most teenage girls look angular, boyish, defending their still fledgling "I". But after a few years, they will accept their changes and realize that girls look different. And then they will stop demonstrating their power so clearly. The main thing is to let them live through this time, not to touch them and to treat everything that happens to them with understanding," says Anna Osipova.
From the matchmaker's point of view, it's not about pants or skirts, which girls choose in the transition period. No clothes can not hide what is inside. There are men in skirts and girls in pants, emphasizes the expert. In any case, both will find their way in life.
- In fact, for every jar there is a different lid. Demand is always different. Infantile wants to see beside a bold and confident woman, courageous and responsible - gentle and vulnerable fairy, - argues Anna Osipova.
From the expert's point of view, the formula of love in this case is as simple as the world: the weaker the man, the stronger the woman he chooses, and the stronger the man, the more feminine the companion next to him.
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