Bearded, not that one: up to what age it is acceptable to believe in Santa Claus
The New Year's holiday brings joy to children, but for parents, meanwhile, it adds to the hassle. It is important for adults not only to choose a suitable gift, but also to hide it so that the child did not find it before the time, and if this happens, to answer uncomfortable questions. Up to what age it is acceptable to believe in Santa Claus, why it is better not to meet with the good wizard until the age of three and how to persuade children to a budget gift - in the material "Izvestia".
In favor of the Snow Maiden
Practicing psychologist Anna Guseva reminds that the preschool child develops and learns through play. New Year's magic and related traditions are also a kind of game. Characters such as Father Frost and Snow Maiden help kids develop their imagination. While waiting for a miracle, children learn obedience and patience, because they try to behave well, dreaming of gifts. It only matters how parents themselves treat New Year's magicians and whether they can support this game, emphasizes the expert. But mom and dad should be on the same page. If one parent plays New Year's magic, and the other laughs at it, the fairy tale will lose its value, and children will be left without a real holiday.
Playing New Year's characters has its own subtleties and in a sense even contraindications. For example, in kindergartens it is not recommended to participate in themed matinees of the kind grandfather, if the kids are less than three or even four years old. Otherwise, even such a positive character can cause a negative reaction.
- Children in the nursery group do not always react positively to Santa Claus, - explains Anna Guseva. - A character with a scraggly beard and a loud voice seems scary to them. And Snegurochka attracts more attention because she is bright, kind, with an open face.
For this reason, it is not recommended to invite Santa Claus home if the children are small. As a rule, the visit of a boisterous actor in a red coat ends in tears, not joy. The situation is not saved even by gifts.
Practical psychologist advises parents to tell their children in advance that there is such a character as Santa Claus, read them fairy tales about the kind grandfather, together looking at pictures. You can even go to Veliky Ustyug, to the residence of the wizard. Or together with your child to write or draw a letter to a fairy-tale character.
- We in no way deceive the baby, but we include him in the game. The fairy tale is necessary, because through the fairy tale we interact with the child, find out the moments that he himself may not tell us. And the baby learns to formulate its wishes, to talk about its needs," comments Guseva.
According to the practicing psychologist, up to a certain age children are not very good at distinguishing reality from fiction. And a fairy tale for them is also a part of reality. Babies react normally, for example, to the fact that Santa Claus and Snow Maiden come several times - for example, in kindergarten, at theatrical performances (Christmas trees).
- Up to a certain age, toddlers may not distinguish between the different performers of the roles of fairy tale characters. For them, Santa Claus and Snow Maiden are quite real characters who may be in different places at different times, - says neurologist, pediatrician of the children's clinic "Be Healthy" Elizaveta Svirina.
What is important for kids is the very feeling of holiday and magic, not how many times they will see New Year's magicians.
- Children believe in magic and love games. Therefore, it is quite normal for them that there can be a lot of Santa Clauses, Snow Maidens, as well as many holidays, gifts and miracles. This is how children's thinking is organized, - says Olga Shcherbakova, a medical psychologist and head of the youth movement "Druzhina".
What to give you
Belief in miracles sometimes takes the child far into the world of dreams. "Since grandpa is a kind magician, it means he will give me everything I want," children reason. One of the most painful moments is to competently and tactfully put the child within the limits of certain opportunities. It is important for parents that the child is not bitterly disappointed, but also that the budget is not affected.
Elizaveta Svirina advises to find out in advance why the kid wants to get a particular gift and whether he has similar, but more budgetary wishes.
- You can shift the focus from material values to spiritual values that are unrealistic to buy, but you can wish for the New Year (health, good mood, good friends). And also explain to the child that Santa Claus has a magic bag, but not bottomless, and it is very important that other children also got presents, - suggests Elizaveta Svirina.
Olga Scherbakova recommends talking to the child and asking him to list several options for wishes, so that the New Year's wizard could more easily decide on the choice. One of them will definitely be feasible for parents.
Daddy's eyes
It happens that the child discovers gifts from Santa Claus before the time. Sometimes it is impossible to replay the situation, if there is not much time left before New Year's Eve or parents can not afford another present. The easiest way to correct the blunder is to correct it if the child saw only a box covered with smart paper. In this case, it is enough to simply change the packaging. But even in cases where the mystery is fully disclosed, psychologists advise not to get upset, but improvise, using all your imagination.
- If the baby still believes in Santa Claus, then you can explain to him that on New Year's Eve Grandpa is very busy sending surprises around the world. Therefore, he flew in early and asked his parents to help him put a gift under the Christmas tree, - suggests Elizabeth Svirina.
At the same time, you can stipulate that Santa Claus will be upset if his surprise is opened early.
- If there is an opportunity, tell the kid that these presents are "from a bunny" or "from a mouse", and then put something else under the tree, - advises Olga Scherbakova. - If there is no such opportunity, then explain that Santa Claus before others brought gifts to the best, those who behaved well in the past year.
More often than not, the situation with the discovery of gifts becomes a starting point for children, after which they begin to think about the existence of Santa Claus and slowly say goodbye to the fairy tale.
When children grow up
The game can not last long - children grow up and gradually face the reality of the outside world. In psychology, there are no clear limits at what age you need to finish believing in Santa Claus, notes Elizaveta Svirina. But most often experts talk about six to eight years, when children develop critical thinking. If there is a tradition in the family connected with New Year's gifts and the Christmas tree, then the farewell to magic is slightly postponed.
However, in most cases, somewhere around the age of seven, children themselves begin to doubt the existence of the New Year's Eve wizard. The child is just experiencing a crisis associated with adulthood, emphasizes Guseva. He loses his naivety, develops independence and takes a new social role - becoming a schoolboy. During this period, children themselves are rather eager to get rid of what they associate with kids. And everything happens by itself, without bitter disappointments.
Nevertheless, many parents wonder whether it is necessary to tell children that Santa Claus does not exist or the child should come to this conclusion independently. Elizabeth Svirina believes that the choice is up to adults. Only their opinion will be correct, since they know their children better than anyone else. At the same time, the expert stipulates that each decision has its pros and cons.
- Communicating that Santa Claus does not exist can help develop critical thinking, trusting conversations between children and parents, and serves as a prevention of disappointment. And in another case, the magic of childhood will still act on your child, and this will help to postpone the unpleasant moment when he finds out that "Santa Claus" was his parents and he was deceived in some way, - Elizaveta Svirina argues.
According to the neurologist, it is necessary to strike a balance between belief in magic and Santa Claus and honest, trusting conversations with children.
Anna Guseva believes that it is not necessary to upset the child with the words: "You are not little. You should know that Santa Claus does not exist". But it is also not necessary to artificially fuel faith in the fairy-tale grandfather. If the process of growing up has started, there is no point in slowing it down. It is better to agree that in reality such characters do not exist, but there is a pleasant tradition when people surprise each other on behalf of a fairy-tale wizard.
- It is important to have faith in a small miracle. And it is good if each of us at least sometimes will be Santa Claus or Snow Maiden on New Year's Eve - to fulfill the wishes of relatives, friends and people who need help, - adds Olga Scherbakova.
Believe in miracles
Many children, even after figuring out what's what, do not want to part with a beautiful fairy tale.
- It is clear that at the age of 9-10 years we are unlikely to meet a child who will clearly believe that presents under the tree brings Santa Claus, - says Anna Guseva. - Surely his peers have already discussed this topic with him. Besides, at this age children already perceive the world differently. However, many are happy to play this game and continue, playing along with adults.
Parents should not be upset if children of primary and even secondary school age write letters to the magical grandfather and wait for gifts from him.
- Children may already know that there is no Santa Claus, but do not talk about this topic with their parents in order to preserve the feeling of magic, games and fairy tales, - comments Elizaveta Svirina. - They may also worry that adults will be upset if they find out that the children have grown up enough and are already aware of the real provider of gifts.
As for the absolute belief in Santa Claus even in spite of age, according to Anna Guseva, it does not make sense to draw unequivocal conclusions.
- Yes, there are norms of psychological maturation of each personality. And indeed, people have a certain bias in magical thinking, if they believed in Santa Claus for too long in childhood. But this is due to the peculiarities of development and psychological maturation of a person. And of course it will not be an indicator, for example, of entering an institute or getting a prestigious job," says the expert, but points out that in everything a measure is necessary.
